Blanche
by SapphireCuatro
Summary: Renji and Rukia ran off together, causing a rift between Rukia and Byakuya. But now, Byakuya's willing to give Renji a chance. The prerequisite? Byakuya will live with the two of them for a month and decide if their love is for real. Could this end well?
1. Act I

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Because I can't understand Japanese.

I'm not even going to try to claim that this is my first Bleach fic, because it's _not_. It's my third. And the third with Byakuya and Rukia as major characters. Go figure.

Still, this is a new experience. This story is like nothing I've ever written before. So please treat it kindly.

* * *

Byakuya looked at the address on the paper again. This couldn't _possibly_ be the right location...no member of the Kuchiki family would ever live in a place like this.

And yet, something told him that she was indeed within.

He hid his disgust as he knocked on the door. This was so...so...so _degrading_.

The door opened, and Byakuya was looking down into the face of his adopted sister.

She stared at him in shock. Somehow, she managed to utter, "Nii..._nii-sama_...?!"

"How have you been, Rukia?"

She opened the door wider, still staring at him, as though she was afraid he would vanish if she dared to blink.

"It's quite rude to stare. I thought you knew better than that."

"I...I'm sorry, nii-sama, it's just...I...I wasn't sure if you'd actually come..."

"Why would you doubt my word?"

"I don't know, I--"

"Do you expect me to just stand out here?"

"Oh, sorry! Please, um, come...in..." she said, even though he'd already come inside.

Rukia closed the door. "Oh, um, Renji's not home right now, but I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

"No. He won't."

"Well, okay, maybe not...but, you know, nii-sama..._I'm_ happy to see you."

He looked at her.

"It's just", said Rukia, "I thought you hated me. For marrying Renji, I mean."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "I could never hate you. I was merely...disappointed."

"Oh, but, you don't need to worry, nii-sama", said Rukia, "I know this is a lot smaller than you're used to, but we've got room for you."

She took his hand and led him to a tiny bedroom.

"It's...quaint", said Byakuya tactfully.

"Here, I'll go get your things!" Rukia ran out, then returned, struggling to carry all of his luggage.

"As I said in my letter, I'll stay for a month", said Byakuya, "Rukia. You know full well that you wedded Renji in complete defiance of my wishes. But thinking back, I fear I may have allowed my disappointment in you and the shame your defiance brought upon our family to cloud my mind, and I told you things which must have hurt you terribly. I also considered that I, too, acted unbefitting of my rank and defied the wishes of the Kuchikis in marrying Hisana. So I decided to see for myself. I want to see if what you two have is love, or nothing more than desire."

Rukia was surprised. It was rare to hear anything close to an apology from him. "I'm just glad we're on speaking terms again, nii-sama. And that you would go to all the trouble to see me yourself...you don't know how sad it's made me, nii-sama, thinking you hated me..."

"I already told you that I don't hate you. I do not like to repeat myself."

"Well, you don't have to worry, nii-sama." Rukia smiled. "You'll see that what me and Renji have is real. Just like with you."

She left. Byakuya said quietly, "We'll see."

* * *

Anyway, that's that. Please review!


	2. Act II

I do apologize if Byakuya seems like a jerk in this chapter. But when I was writing his dialogue, I tried to write from his perspective in this particular situation. The way I see it, he would view Renji as someone who "stole" Rukia from him. And likewise, Renji would view Byakuya as someone trying to keep him and Rukia from being together. So of course they wouldn't get along.

But you all probably knew they wouldn't, huh?

* * *

"Rukia! Rukia, you home?"

"Renji!" She ran out of the kitchen. Dropping her voice she added, "Keep it down, fool! Act like a proper gentleman!"

"Wha...? Where do you get off telling me what to do? And why are you talking so quiet? I can barely hear you."

"Because my brother's here, you imbecile!"

A strange look came over Renji's face, and he didn't seem quite able to comprehend what Rukia had said. "Brother...?"

Suddenly, it dawned on him.

"You...you can't mean...him...? What the hell is he doing here? I thought he disowned you?"

"I told you, Renji, I told you this...he's re-thought things...he's come to stay with us for a month, I know I told you this...how could you forget?"

"For a month? He...is going to be living with us...for a month?!"

"Yes, so try to be on your best behavior."

"Look, he's the one who starts it--"

"Renji. Please. At least try to act civil. This may be the only chance I'll get to reconcile with him, so don't ruin this for me."

"Look, Rukia, you wouldn't have to worry about anything, except that prick is always trying to goad me--"

"Ah, so it's him", said Byakuya, coming into the entryway, "I thought it must be."

"So I've heard you invited yourself over for a month", said Renji.

"Renji..." said Rukia dangerously.

"What's with that tone? I'm not doing anything wrong. I was just greeting our guest."

"If that's what you learned to be a "greeting", then clearly whoever taught you must have been some brute, unaware of the mannerisms of civilized society."

"You--!"

Rukia grabbed his arm. "Renji, calm down!"

"Did you hear that?!" Renji snapped, "Did you hear what he just said to me?! What did I tell you, always goading me!"

"It's unwise to make such assumptions", Byakuya replied, "Do not think to insult me by implying that one of my stature would stoop to the level of goading an ape for entertainment."

"An...an...an ape?! You--!"

"Renji, calm down!" Rukia pleaded.

"Calm down! You heard him! Don't you have ears, Rukia? Are you deaf? You heard what he called me!" He turned to Byakuya now. "Now look. You may be Rukia's brother, but that doesn't mean you can just come in here and act like you own the place! I don't care who you are, or how strong you are, I ought to throw you out--!"

Rukia sensed how badly this was going, and immediately pulled Byakuya back into his bedroom.

"What is the matter?" asked Byakuya, as Rukia closed the door.

"What's the matter...? Nii-sama, you even have to ask...?"

"Have I upset you, Rukia?"

"Yes. Yes you have." She grabbed his hand. "Nii-sama, nii-sama, I'm begging you, please, at least try to get along with him. Please at least try..."

Byakuya didn't say anything, and Rukia took this to mean that she hadn't gotten through to him.

' "Nii-sama...I know you don't approve, but...even though you are the head of the family, I thought..."

She stormed out. "I thought that you of all people would be able to understand!"

...

Dinner was a very silent and stony occasion.

Rukia didn't have any problems eating, on a typical night. She'd shared meals with Byakuya. She'd shared meals with Renji. Nothing had gone amiss...

...so then, why was it that sitting between them felt like a very dangerous place to be?

Byakuya and Renji were sitting across from each other, on either side of Rukia. They weren't saying anything to each other, but they didn't really need to, as they both seemed to think they could kill the other with their eyes.

Rukia had thought that them saying nasty things to each other was bad. How naive had she been? The two of them not saying nasty things to each other was a lot worse.

She could barely swallow her food. She had to get away from this table! She had to go someplace where she could actually breathe!

Then Byakuya was done eating, and suddenly the suffocating tension was broken.

Byakuya got up from the table.

He started to walk away.

Rukia's attention turned to Renji. She could almost see his vein throbbing.

Don't say anything to him, Renji, just let him go, she pleaded, Don't do anything stupid...

He did something stupid.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?"

Rukia wanted to hit him.

Byakuya looked at him.

"You...you think you can just come in my house and act all high and mighty? You--"

Rukia was on her feet and pulling Byakuya out of the kitchen. "COME ON, NII-SAMA, I THINK YOU WANT TO GO IN ANOTHER ROOM", said Rukia loudly, drowning out Renji's voice. She shot Renji a nasty look, then left the kitchen with Byakuya.

"I'm not impressed", said Byakuya.

"Nii-sama, you've only been here for a couple of hours..."

Then she realized the implications of what she'd just said.

He'd only been there for a couple of hours.

It was going to be a long month.

* * *

Well, that's Chapter 2. Please review and stay tuned for the next chapter.


	3. Act III

Sorry for the delay, and here's Chapter 3!

To tell you the truth, I never really gave much thought to any specific moment in the storyline when this takes place. It never crossed my mind at all. But I can decide when it takes place, if it's important to you.

Anyway, sorry to keep you all waiting!

* * *

"Rukia? Is that you?" Rangiku narrowed her eyes, trying to discern if Rukia was really there, or if it was merely her eyes deceiving her in her current inebriated state.

Rangiku and Izuru lived next door to Rukia and Renji. Rangiku was currently on her second floor balcony, hanging halfway over it and holding a jug of sake.

Rukia, for her part, was out back behind her house, eating dinner alone.

A few minutes later, Rangiku was down by Rukia's side, still clutching her sake.

Rangiku poked Rukia in the head. "So I'm not imagining things. What are you doing eating outside by yourself, Rukia?"

"No reason", said Rukia, "I just felt like eating outside. Is that a crime?"

"I suppose not. It's just unusual."

"Well, it's nothing to be concerned about."

"Did you and Renji have a fight or something?"

"What? Me and Renji? Don't insult me, Rangiku! If me and Renji had a fight, he'd be the one eating outside!"

"Oh, right. Sorry. So where is Renji?"

"I don't know. I think he's inside somewhere."

"What's wrong? What's going on?"

"Didn't I ever tell you? My brother's staying with us."

An odd look came over Rangiku's face. "Your brother?"

"Well, Renji doesn't have a brother, so it must be my brother, huh?"

"Come on, don't talk down to me. We're talking your hotshot nobleman brother? What's he doing here? I thought he got angry with you because you married Renji despite his objections?"

"He did. But then he decided to reconcile. But his idea of reconciliation is to live with us for a month, and then decide if Renji and I love each other for real!"

"Right", said Rangiku, "Sounds like fun. But you never fully explained why you're eating outside."

"Because it's horrible in there! Around the table, with both of them, just feeling the animosity between them bearing down on you...I hate it! I say I'm not hungry for dinner just so I don't have to be in there with them!"

"And so then you eat by yourself later?" Rangiku sighed. "Rukia, Rukia. It's not good to run away from your problems."

"Wha--? I'm...I'm not running away! And you're one to talk about running away from your problems. You're the one who drowns your problems in sake!"

"Oh. So you're trying to point out other people's flaws to divert attention from yourself."

"I...I am not!"

"Now you're being defensive."

"I am not being defensive! And if I am, you're the one who's making it seem that way!"

"So now it's the blame game, eh?"

"...if it wasn't the sake talking, I wouldn't put up with this."

"So it's that bad of a situation, eh?"

"...it's...tense."

"Well...I don't know exactly how bad it is...but here's what I'm thinking. Those two boys hate each other, right?"

"Now, I protest that!" Rukia interjected, "'Hate' is a very strong...very accurate word..."

"Well, they may not be able to stand each other, but they both care about you, right? That's something they have in common. You could use that to your advantage. You should use your influence to keep those two in line."

"Your argument makes sense", said Rukia, "Except don't you think I've thought of that already?! My influence is probably the only thing that's kept them from killing each other up to this point! There's only so much I can do. I can't change the fact that they can't stand each other."

"Well, who's the main source of the problem? Who's causing it?"

"They're both causing it! Renji's a hotheaded idiot, and he mocks my brother, then gets even angrier when nii-sama doesn't take the bait. And nii-sama, for his part, knows Renji's a hotheaded idiot, and intentionally provokes him."

"It's like they live to antagonize each other", said Rangiku.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this, Rangiku. It's been less than a week. I don't know how I'm going to do this for a whole month."

"There's no way your brother's going to leave before then, huh?"

"If I ask him to leave before he's good and ready to go, he'll think he's won. There's no way he's going to budge on this matter. When it comes to him, I'll just have to wait it out."

"What about Renji? There's no possibility of him going on an extended vacation, is there?"

"No, because that would also be letting my brother win! There's no way he can judge if me and Renji's love is for real if Renji's not here, now is there?"

"Why don't you work with me here? You're narrowing down your options."

"That's just the thing! I don't have any options!"

"Rukia, you disgust me."

Rukia looked at the other woman. "Huh?"

"Rukia, don't let those boys walk all over you! You're the lady of the house! Take some initiative! You could definitely control the situation! Just keep those two under your thumb, and they won't cause you any more problems the rest of the month!"

"'Keep them under my thumb'? Look, that might work for Renji, but you're forgetting that my brother is also involved here. He doesn't bend to anybody."

"You'd have as good a chance as anybody. Probably better than most people. After all...he wuvs his widdle sister."

Rukia blushed. "Shut up!"

"Aw, come on, no need to be so sensitive. Siblings are supposed to love each other."

"Just...just shut up, okay?"

"...you want any sake?"

"No...how can I prove that our love is for real? How do you prove something like that?"

"Maybe you should get Renji to do nice stuff for you", said Rangiku, "Are you sure you don't want any sake?"

"Yes. Actually, Rangiku...you know, Renji thinks this is just an in-law visit, he doesn't know the real reason nii-sama is here...maybe if I let him in on everything...maybe then we can pull this off."

* * *

I'm really sorry if I've made you all hate me by pulling a RangikuxIzuru. I personally don't care for that pairing either way. They'll mostly be comic relief kind of people. Please don't think too much about it.


	4. Act IV

Ah, it's all right, I can't draw either. That's why I do so much writing!

Anyway, I'm glad there's no problems with the pairings. I'd still do it anyway, but I also want to respect the readers.

This chapter takes place immediately after Chapter 3, but it's not vital to be fresh on what happened in the last chapter to know what's going on in this one...at least, I don't think so.

Anyway, please enjoy!

* * *

That same night…

Rukia went inside. Quietly, she put her dish in the sink, lest Byakuya and Renji hear her and figure out what she was doing. If those two knew she was going hungry at dinner and then sneaking food later, they'd…well…she didn't want to think about it.

She went to look for Renji. She had to find him and tell him everything as soon as possible.

"Renji? Renji?"

No response.

"Renji, answer me!"

No response.

"Where are you, you idiot?"

"He left."

Rukia whirled around. Byakuya was standing there.

"Oh, nii-sama…where's Renji? Did he say where he went, or when he's going to be back?"

"No."

"Oh, damn him…"

"Why the sudden urgency?"

Rukia stiffened. "What urgency? There's no urgency. Is it all right if I know where my husband is?"

He was inwardly flinching when she referred to Renji as her husband, she was sure.

"You were calling for him. Your tone had a sense of urgency."

"Look, it's not a big deal or anything. I was just wondering where he's gone to."

"Where did _you_ go, Rukia? You vanished. You've been vanishing every night. It annoys him. He bangs on the doors and yells looking for you. It's terribly obnoxious. Tonight he even had the nerve to come in _my_ room looking for you. Does he think I hide you in my closet or something?"

"I do apologize, nii-sama…" _Renji probably just wanted an excuse to poke around in his room. _

"I set him straight, and he got angry and stormed out. It's been quite peaceful since then."

"He loses his temper way too easily…" Rukia muttered. She suddenly remembered who she was in the room with. "But it's not like that's a serious personal flaw or anything. He's short-tempered, but he cares…"

Byakuya didn't say anything.

_And you're like a freakin' icecube, but I'm pretty sure that you care, too. Ugh…I wish I knew what he was thinking. But he's completely unreadable. He never shows anything through facial expressions or body language at all. It's times like this I wish I had telepathy. _

"Nii-sama…you really can't stand him at all, can you?"

Byakuya didn't reply. Rukia took that for a "Hell, yes!"

"But since you hate him, it doesn't matter what happens this month, does it? No matter what happens, you'll say our love isn't for real, won't you?"

This time, he did say something.

"Even I cannot hide my extreme disdain for him. However…when I found out that you had wedded Renji against my wishes, I behaved in an unsightly manner in losing control over my emotions and telling you never to come before me again. Upon reconsideration, I realized that Renji is not the only one involved here. The other person to consider is _you_. You cared for him enough to choose him over me. And so I suspected that your feelings might be genuine. As much as I dislike your choice of a husband, I am willing to give _your_ feelings some consideration in this matter…and as the head of the family, I will give my approval to this match, if it makes you happy. But I won't give my blessing freely. You two must prove to me that you deserve it."

"Nii-sama…you…feel like I chose Renji over you…?" She walked over to him. "Nii-sama, I…I'm so sorry that I would make you think that…that's not the case at all…" She looked up at him. "No, nii-sama, I knew it would upset you, and that pained me terribly. Up until you came here…I mean, I'm glad to be with Renji and everything, but…I was sad. I thought you hated me. I really did. I didn't consider your feelings either, nii-sama. I'm sorry."

_I never realized just how deeply I'd hurt you. _

There was an awkward silence.

_Ok…we just went through some sibling bonding…um, what do I do now? He's just standing there with that impassive face…does he feel awkward, too? _

"You shouldn't fret over him. He'll come back once his temper has cooled", said Byakuya.

"Yeah, I know…" _This is totally awkward. _

"Rukia."

"Huh?"

"Don't tell Renji the true purpose of my visit."

"Huh? What…what makes you think I was going to?"

"Don't tell him. If you do, then I will never be able to trust the sincerity of anything he says or does from this point on."

"…I understand, nii-sama."

* * *

...and that's a wrap! This was a really big sort of bonding chapter, but for those of you who miss Renji, no worries. He'll be back next chapter.


	5. Act V

Well, sorry for the delay. Here's Chapter 5.

* * *

The air was tense. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. They looked at each other with deep suspicion across the table.

A little pink-haired shinigami finally made her move.

…

Yachiru Kusajishi was holding Zabimaru triumphantly. Across from her, Renji was banging his head on the table. Crammed around the table between them were Izuru and Shuhei, across from those two, Ikkaku and Yumichika. Rangiku was standing behind Yachiru, trying to keep from snickering. Kenpachi came out of another room and came upon the scene.

"Look, Ken-chan!" cried Yachiru, holding out Zabimaru, "A new jar opener!"

Renji immediately snapped his head up. "Zabimaru is not a jar opener!"

"Can opener?"

"Not that either!"

"Butcher knife?"

"_No!!_"

"Well, that's no fun. Ken-chan, he's being mean."

"Just give me back Zabimaru!" said Renji.

"Shut up, fool!" said Ikkaku, "You're upsetting her!"

"So?"

"Don't upset her, moron! She gets testy!"

"So?? She has my zanpaku-to!"

"She won it from you fair and square", said Shuhei, "_You're_ the one who was stupid enough to bet your zanpaku-to in a poker game."

"But that's cheating!" said Renji, "I was playing against Zaraki-taichou when I bet Zabimaru! But then he had to go to the bathroom and Yachiru played as his substitute!"

"And she kicked your butt", said Shuhei.

"Whose side are you on, Shuhei?"

"It's perfectly fair", said Rangiku.

"No it's not! You can't have a substitute! Girls don't belong in poker anyway! It's a man's game!"

"Oh, really?" asked Rangiku, "Then I'll play you. I'll take on all of you. And not just at poker...strip poker."

"Rangiku!" cried Izuru in horror.

"Shut up, Izuru!"

"I had no idea you were a stripper, Rangiku", said Renji.

She smirked. "Heh."

...

"We...we can stop now, Rangiku", said Shuhei, who was half-naked.

"No! Not until _he_ asks me!"

Rangiku was as dressed as she had been at the start. Renji, on the other hand, only had one article of clothing remaining.

Renji stood. "I'm not going to cave to you! I'll just go home!"

"Like that?" Rangiku smirked. "I wonder how your dear wife and beloved brother-in-law would react if you came home like that."

"I don't care! And I definitely don't care what my 'beloved brother-in-law' thinks! It's not even my house, so he's in no place to complain!"

"Save your stupidity for another time. Just admit you're a moron and I'll give you your clothes back."

"No way in hell!"

"So then what are you going to tell Rukia when she asks what happened to your clothes? What would she think if she found out you were playing strip poker with me?"

"Oh, like I have any interest in _you_!"

"You two haven't been getting along lately, have you?" asked Rangiku.

"None of your business!"

"It's her brother, isn't it?"

Renji snapped. "Yes! It's her stupid damn brother! We were getting along fine until _he_ showed up! I can't stand having that prick in the same house as me! And Rukia always defends him! That guy always resented me. I think he's trying to take her back from me! And Rukia doesn't even see! She takes his side! We haven't had any fun at all since he came!"

He stopped, then realized what he'd just said in his rant.

"So we get to the root of the problem", said Shuhei.

"Um, are you stupid?" asked Rangiku, "She's not going to _have fun_ with you when her brother's under the same roof. You want a death wish? Just bring it to that guy's attention that you've been having fun with his precious little sister. He'd probably castrate you with his zanpaku-to."

Renji shook his head. "You're forgetting that he's a hotshot nobleman. That would be 'undignified'."

"Oh. Then he'd hire someone else to do it. Either way, you need to watch your back."

"If he's afraid of castration, it's not his back he needs to be watching", said Ikkaku.

"That's enough of that! Shut up about it!" Renji snapped.

"Fine. But do you want your clothes back or not?" queried Rangiku.

"Of course!"

"Then go ahead and say it."

"...what about Zabimaru?"

"You'll have to take that up with Yachiru."

Renji gritted his teeth and mumbled something.

"What'd you say? I can't hear you", said Rangiku, clearly relishing the moment.

"I said girls aren't so bad at poker", Renji growled.

"_And_?"

"You're pushing it, woman."

She just looked at him.

"And I'm an idiot", Renji snarled.

She smiled. "Okay. Take your clothes back. I don't want them in my house anyway."

...

"So what were you doing over at Izuru and Rangiku's?" asked Rukia conversationally when Renji came home.

A flush crept over his face. "Nothing! Nothing at all."

She didn't believe him.

"Well, okay..." Renji amended himself. "I lost Zabimaru."

"You...lost Zabimaru."

"Yeah."

"...how could you lose Zabimaru? That's why you sheath it at your waist, you moron!"

"I don't think you understand. I didn't _lose_ it lose it. It was more like the...losing a bet sort of losing it."

She stared at him. Renji was beginning to feel that her silence was far more terrifying than when she called him an idiot, a fool, a moron, an imbecile.

No...her silence was much worse. It reminded him of Byakuya. That stony look that made you feel as though you were in danger of your life.

He could have breathed a sigh of relief when she finally spoke.

"You...lost Zabimaru in a bet."

"Yeah."

He braced himself.

"What's wrong with you?! You fool! I can't believe you would lose your zanpaku-to in a bet! Only bet it if you know you're going to win! You idiot!"

"I know, it was stupid! I get it!"

"Who did you lose it to?"

"Yachiru."

She looked at him. "Yachiru. Well, I guess you'd better get a new zanpaku-to."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Renji stopped, then looked around. "Hold on. Where is _he_?"

"Does it matter?"

"Well, see, if he's not around, we should keep this to ourselves, okay? I don't want to hear his mouth."

"...he's out back. The two of us were having tea when I heard you come home."

"Having...tea."

"Yes. Is that a problem? Am I not allowed to have tea with my own brother?"

"Why are you getting defensive? I never said I had any problem with it either way."

Rukia sighed. "Just...don't go picking a fight with him, please?"

"I'm not! You don't know how hard I'm trying right now! Having a tea party at my house...right outside, where everybody can see...he's got some nerve..."

Rukia shook her head. "He has tea, and you have...bets. To each his own."

"If you really can say that", Renji replied.

"We won't let him know about this, if that's really what you want", said Rukia, "Although, I had no idea you cared about his opinion." She looked at him slyly.

"I don't! I could care less about his opinion!" he replied heatedly. They met each other's eyes. Rukia smiled.

"Well, I'd better go rejoin nii-sama, before he comes looking for me."

She went back outside, leaving Renji standing there.

* * *

I actually have no idea of Renji's poker playing abilities...

Anyway, the last chapter was about Rukia and Byakuya, and this one was about Rukia and Renji. So the next one will be...


	6. Act VI

Thank you all for your reviews. I was wondering how Chapter 5 would go over, since some of the conversation was kind of...um...naughty. But I guess I shouldn't have worried.

And on that note, here's Chapter 6.

* * *

This was a terrible situation. A terrible, _horrible_ situation.

Byakuya and Renji. At home. Together. Alone.

…

earlier that evening…

"_Rukia, these boys are running you ragged!" said Rangiku, "Let's go out, you and me, a girls' night on the town." _

"_What the hell? What do you think you're doing, just coming in our house unannounced?" asked Renji. _

_Rangiku ignored him. "Rukia, you're stressed. You deserve a night of relaxation!" _

"_Um, Rangiku, I'm not so sure…" said Rukia. _

"_I won't hear it! You're coming!" _

"_But--"_

"_No protests! We're going! Bye, boys!" _

"_Hey, if she's not willing, that's kidnap!" said Renji heatedly. _

_Rangiku put her hands on her hips. "It is not." _

"_Yes it is." _

"_Is not!" _

"_Is!" _

"_Is not!" _

"_Is!" _

"_Is not!" _

"_Um, how old are we again?" asked Rukia. _

"_Do you even need to ask?" _

"_Oh, look! If it isn't the visiting brother-in-law!" said Rangiku cheerfully. Byakuya had just entered the room. _

"_Stop ignoring me!" snapped Renji. _

"_So come on, Rukia! Let's go!" _

"_You're not taking my wife!" _

"_It's only for one evening. It's not as though she's stealing Rukia away from you, such as what happened to me", said Byakuya impassively. _

"_What's that supposed to mean, huh?" asked Renji. _

"_It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Stop picking fights, Renji", said Rukia. _

"_No, I want to hear what he has to say." _

"_Well, sounds like you two will have fun together. Come on , Rukia." Rangiku pulled Rukia out the door. _

"_Wait! They'll kill each other!" was the last thing Byakuya and Renji had heard from Rukia. _

…

And thus, the current predicament.

In ordinary circumstances, Rukia's prediction would probably have come true. But these were not ordinary circumstances. Despite the fact that their intense dislike for each other was painfully obvious, Renji was motivated. He had a plan. And for the sake of its success, he was willing to tolerate Byakuya Kuchiki. The current state of his and Rukia's married relationship had driven his mind from annoyance to trying to think up a solution. The only solution he could think of was that the invasive, visiting in-law had to be gotten rid of. Once Byakuya Kuchiki was out of the picture, then things between Rukia and Renji could go back to normal. He was going to leave eventually anyway, but Renji didn't think he had the patience to put up with it that long. Clearly, Byakuya hadn't been able to figure out that his visit wasn't welcome. Thus, a different approach was required. It would have to be implemented with the greatest subtlety…

"So, you won't leave early by any chance, will you?" asked Renji.

Byakuya was sitting at the kitchen table, reading something. He looked up at the interruption with annoyance.

"I will stay as long as I originally said. The amount of time will not be any longer or shorter."

"You won't even consider it? Doesn't someone as important as you have…responsibilities or duties or something?"

"Seeing to Rukia's well-being is one of my responsibilities."

_I should have seen that coming,_ thought Renji with irritation. "But…but it's not like Rukia's in bad hands! Does she seem unhappy or upset to you?"

"I need time to assess such a thing."

Renji sighed. He knew this guy would be hard to reason with, but…

No. He just had to keep it cool. Losing his temper would accomplish nothing when it came to Byakuya Kuchiki.

Approach one: diplomatic negotiations.

"Well, this is about Rukia, isn't it? You…you two want to reconcile. Well, okay. I'm fine with that. And I get that you don't like me because I married her without your approval. Okay, I understand. But is staying in our house for a whole month really necessary? I mean, you can come and see Rukia any time you want. I'll even get you a house key if you want. But I mean, Rukia can function on her own, she doesn't need you watching over her all the time. Such a prolonged stay with us isn't necessary…"

Byakuya just gave him a look.

_Oh. Right. I can't make it sound like I'm trying to order him around or he'll never leave. _

Approach two: angry rant.

"You know, you have no consideration for other people! Making yourself right at home like you own the place--I can't believe your arrogance! I don't care how powerful or important you are--you can't just do whatever you want whenever you want to! You had no right to invite yourself over for a month and impose yourself on me and Rukia! This is _my_ house, and I make the rules around here, and you'd better damn well respect that! I don't care if you _are_ Rukia's brother! You've overstayed your welcome!"

This didn't evoke the response Renji was hoping for. Byakuya just gave him another _look_, though this one was a bit more…_annoyed_.

_Damn, what does it take for him to get the point? _

Approach three: guilt factor.

"You act like you care about Rukia so much, but you obviously don't give a damn about her at all! Can't you see how much your visit has stressed her out? If you _really_ cared about her, you would never have done such a thing to her. What kind of brother are you supposed to be, anyway? What kind of big brother causes his little sister that kind of anguish? I can't believe Rukia got stuck with someone like you. I mean, just look at you, sitting there, reading and drinking you tea. You make Rukia make your stupid tea. Is she your servant or your sister? God, I can't stand hypocrites like you. You act like you care about Rukia so much but you treat her much worse than I would even dream of doing!"

In the back of his mind, Renji was aware that if Rukia was here, she would have shut him up long before now.

Byakuya had an unreadable expression. Renji wanted to keep talking. But something told him that now was the time to shut up and leave. Because without Rukia around, there was no telling how far this could escalate.

Operation: Convince-the-annoying-brother-in-law-to-go-home-early was a failure.

* * *

All right. Renji's determined to get some time with Rukia...and Zabimaru's fate will be revealed next chapter. So please stay tuned.


	7. Act VII

I am so sorry for the delay in updating! I just haven't been on the computer lately. But I'll try to do better for the next chapter.

* * *

Renji blinked. Was Rukia really holding what he thought she was holding…?

"Z…Zabimaru…?"

"Go on. Feel free to thank me."

Renji took the zanpaku-to from her. "How'd you get Zabimaru back from Yachiru?"

"Candy. Lots of candy. You owe me."

"That's all it took…?"

"Yeah…but she wanted me to tell you that it's a crappy jar opener."

"So…so she _did_ use…that little twerp…!"

"Oh, and Renji…?" said Rukia sweetly.

"What?"

"Next time you're playing poker, _don't_ bet your zanpaku-to, you moron!"

"Okay, got it! No betting the zanpaku-to!"

"I'm glad we have an understanding…"

…

"--and she said it just like that! I thought she was gonna bite my head off!" said Renji. He was next door at Rangiku and Izuru's house.

"Well, it was pretty stupid for you to bet Zabimaru…" said Izuru.

"I get the point! But see, I have a theory. Rukia's stressed out, so she's taking it out on me, because she can't say anything to the certain unwanted visitor who's actually the one stressing her out…"

"Maybe she needs another night out!" said Rangiku, "So she can forget the fact that you and her brother are living under the same roof."

"A night out, huh…" Renji actually took a minute to think things over. "_Actually_…yeah, maybe…Rangiku, the obnoxious visiting noble will be leaving soon, right? He's been here for a while now."

"It hasn't even been two weeks", Rangiku replied.

Renji looked horror-stricken. "What?! Are you serious?! No! I can't go on like this! He's not going to leave early…lousy, interfering taichou…"

"Oh, stop being a baby", said Rangiku, "How bad can he be?"

"Why don't you spend a day with him and see?! I mean, seeing him here and there is _not_ the same as living with him! It's like he's watching my every move, and I can't have a single screw-up!"

"Well, see, you got yourself into this mess", said Rangiku, "Who's the one who was pursuing a noble, disregarding the consequences? And not only that, but the one who never bothered to ask permission from the head of the Kuchiki family, who just happens to be said noble's older brother? And who ran off with this noble?"

"Hey, it takes two, you know. She _agreed_. It's not like I forced her or anything."

"Did she ever mention getting her brother's approval?"

"Maybe. Once. Twice. A few times. But so what? It's over and done. It's not like asking would have made any difference. He'd approve of me and Rukia when hell freezes over!"

"So you're not going to make any effort at all to get along? Didn't you ever consider that your lack of tolerance for each other could be the reason she's stressed?"

"Look, I'm not in the mood to put up with some high-and-mighty speech, Rangiku. Just…just one night with Rukia! Just one night! That's all I want! One night of just me and her…is that too much to ask?"

"Well, what are you waiting for? Do it, then. If it'll put you in a better mood, you'll be doing everyone a favor."

"Well, easier said than done. What do I do with…_him_?"

"What do you mean? He's a grown man. I don't think you have to worry about leaving him home alone. The mean bad guys won't hurt him and give him boo-boos", said Rangiku.

"Yeah, I think he can defend himself", Izuru added.

"That is _not_ what I meant!" Renji snarled, "I was thinking more along the lines of--oh, I don't know--that he might protest?"

"So what? You're a married couple. It's not like you're doing anything bad. You just wanna do what married couples do", said Rangiku.

"I _know_. But, see, I don't think you quite get the point. The other half of the married couple in question is Rukia. Rukia is a Kuchiki. And as a Kuchiki, she _does_ care about the opinion of Byakuya Kuchiki. And if he complains about it, Rukia will listen. And she'll pull some crap of 'Oh, I can't leave my poor nii-sama', and blah blah blah…"

"Well, you don't necessarily have to be out _all night_", said Izuru, "Can't you accomplish what you want to in a couple of hours?"

"Well…yeah…it's just, going to a place where her brother isn't in the next room over is the problem."

"I'm sure he won't protest too loudly if you and Rukia go out for a little while", said Rangiku, "I mean, not unless you did something stupid and said something that might come back to bite you in the ass later."

Renji came to realize that the things he'd said to Byakuya the night before might fall into this category.

"Besides", Rangiku continued, "You don't want to blatantly say 'Oh, me and Rukia are going to get a room' or he'll definitely have something to say about it. Do it under the pretense of a date. Take her out to dinner first or something. Then go, have a little fun, and come back home before he misses you. You can't approach this stupidly. If you stay out all night, he'll see right through you."

"He could just say he got drunk and fell asleep somewhere", said Izuru.

"Nah, that might work if it was only Renji, not for both Renji and Rukia. Because proper young nobles don't drink sake."

"They drink their stupid tea", said Renji.

"Anyway, we'll help you convince him to let you and Rukia go", said Rangiku, "I mean, taking her out on a date, it'll look like you're taking good care of your girl, right? But we could make it a double date…"

"What? No offense, but having you and Izuru around would kill the mood."

"Stop being stupid. I meant, we _pretend_ like it's a double date around Byakuya Kuchiki. Then it'll be more like there's somebody keeping an eye on you. But then later we'll split up and you two do your own thing."

"Well…okay, but if Rukia finds out about this, she'll probably get mad…"

"Why not just talk to her about it?"

"When am I supposed to do that?! Where Rukia is, _he_ is usually somewhere nearby, and I am _not_ having that sort of discussion where he might hear!"

"Is that all you think about?! I meant, just ask her if she wants to go out on a date. How about tomorrow?"

"That's short notice."

"Tomorrow it is, then."

* * *

All right. Like I said, I'll try to update sooner next time.


	8. Act VIII

I have a longer-than-normal chapter for you all today! I hope you enjoy it!

But it occurred to me that Byakuya hasn't been appearing much lately...he doesn't even appear in this chapter until the end...that's kind of depressing...

Anyway, please enjoy!

* * *

The next day, Renji (awkwardly) approached Rukia.

"Er. Rukia. Listen. What would you say to a date?"

Rukia was surprised. Where had _that_ come from?

"Where did _that_ come from?" she asked.

"Well, you know…" Renji stopped and looked around. "Where's _he_ at?"

"Oh, just spit it out!" Rukia snapped.

"Er. Maybe…you and me and _him_ are getting on each other's nerves. Maybe it would be better for me and _him_ if we had a break from each other. Besides…we haven't been out in a while."

_Is this…this doesn't sound like Renji…_

She was listening, but not responding.

It was making him nervous.

"I just _felt_ like it, okay?! What's with the interrogation?! Can't I do something without you jumping down my throat?!"

"Wh…" Rukia was stunned. "What! You imbecile! Don't think you can talk to me that way!" _And here I thought he was trying to be romantic! _

"Don't raise your voice at me!"

"I think I can raise my voice to you whenever I want!"

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

He looked like he was going to argue some more, but instead said, "Well fine then."

"So. Uh. What exactly did you have in mind?" asked Rukia.

He looked confused.

"About the…" She looked at him mischievously. "…_date_."

"Oh. How about tonight?"

"…that's short notice."

"Well, I didn't exactly pick that time. See, Rangiku wanted to make it a double date."

"Oh! Sounds fun!"

"Yeah. Fun."

"Well, sure. We can go on a double date! I'll just tell nii-sama--"

"Now hold on a second!" said Renji hurriedly, "No matter what it is, you always bring _him_ into our business, even when it's not necessary! You don't have to run off and tell him every little thing!"

"I…I do not tell him every little thing!" _How rude!_

"Just…this is between you and me! He doesn't have to know!"

"I think he has a right to know that we're suddenly going somewhere tonight! It would be rude to just leave."

"Okay, you can tell him we're going out…I guess."

"What, you think I need _your_ permission to talk to my own brother?"

"What's with the attitude?!"

"Never mind", said Rukia, "Anyway, I'm going to go tell Rangiku and Izuru that the date is on."

"Hey! Wait! You're going to leave me alone with _him_?! Again?! Rukia!"

He heard the front door slam.

…

"Rangiku?"

Rukia rapped on the door with her knuckles.

"Izuru?"

No response.

"I guess they're not home", she murmured.

She peeked into their yard through the fence.

Was that movement?

So was someone home after all?

She opened the gate and stepped into the yard. She didn't see anybody…

"RUKIA!!"

It was redundant to say Rukia was startled.

"Rukia, you came to visit!!" Rangiku grabbed Rukia in a headlock with one arm. The other was being used to clutch a bottle of sake.

"Er…Rangiku…"

"What a pleasant surprise! Want some sake?"

"No…let go of me, please…"

Rangiku released her.

_I let her get me…how stupid…_

"Aww, Rukia, did I mess up your hair?! You should let me fix it for you."

"No. No. Thank you. It's fine."

"So where's Renji?"

"At home."

"Where's your brother?"

"At home."

Rangiku took a swig of sake. "Doesn't seem smart to leave them alone together."

"I've done it before." _When you forcibly dragged me off…_

"But aren't you concerned?"

"Well, they haven't killed each other yet, so I don't think there's any real danger." _I hope not_. "But anyway! Renji told me you and Izuru wanted to double date with us…?"

"Yeah! So how did he deliver his lines?"

Rukia was confused.

"Huh?"

"He wasn't sure you'd be so hot for the idea, so I gave him some lines to try and sweet talk you into it. I came up with them myself. So how was the delivery?"

Rangiku was looking at her expectantly.

"Oh! It was great! Brilliant delivery! He swept me off my feet!" said Rukia.

"Oh, good. I was afraid he'd screw it up", Rangiku replied.

"So. Uh. What time did you have in mind?"

"Time…?" Rangiku looked thoughtful.

_She…didn't even have one in mind!_

"How about seven?" Rukia suggested.

"Why seven?"

"Because seven's a good time, an excellent time. You couldn't have a more perfect time for a date than seven."

"Well, okay. If that's what you want. I don't mind either way", said Rangiku.

"Oh…okay, then", said Rukia awkwardly, "I guess I'll go back home, then. See you at seven."

"Wait! Don't you want to spy on them?"

"On who?"

"On Renji and your brother! How do they get along when you aren't around? Aren't you curious?"

"I…I wouldn't spy on them! It's a waste of time, and it's probably illegal or something."

"You mean you've never spied on either one of them when they're unawares?"

"No."

"You're no fun at all", said Rangiku, "Without me around you'd lead a very dull life."

"Well…I suppose I'd better go…"

"Rukia. Do you think that this will make a positive impression on your brother?"

"Huh?"

"Renji taking you out on a date. Would that make an impression on your brother?"

"I…I don't know…" _I hadn't really thought about it. _

"Because dates are romantic, and romance means a guy loves his girl, right? So once your brother sees how romantic Renji is, he'll see how much you two love each other, right?"

"Well…I never actually thought of nii-sama as a romantic sort of person." _Is romance even possible from him? Well, he was married once, so I guess…maybe at some point…but I can't even picture it, really…_

"So you're saying this won't even impress him?!"

"Well…I don't know…I mean, there's always a possibility…"

"Rukia, I will tutor Renji in romancing you to impress your brother! I am always available to help you with your situation!"

"No thanks! That won't be necessary!" Rukia replied.

"Well, okay, if you insist. But you can change your mind at any time."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"All right, then. Seven. Don't forget. I expect you and Renji to be ready."

"Oh, don't worry. We will be."

…

6:59

"Renji! Which looks better on me?! I think I like the green better, but the blue might flatter my figure more. What do you think? Which suits me better?"

"How the hell should I know?! You've been picking what you're going to wear for an _hour_."

"Well, this is a _date_. I don't just pick up whatever clothes were lying on the floor, unlike _some_ people."

"I don't do that! I think very carefully about what I'm going to wear. For all of two minutes. You're just ridiculous, is the problem. Why are you so indecisive? Just pick something already! How hard is it? Just throw something on and we'll go."

Rukia chucked several outfits at his head.

There was a quiet knock at their bedroom door.

"What is it?" Rukia called.

"There is someone at the front door", came Byakuya's voice.

"That must be Rangiku and Izuru! Renji, go answer it", said Rukia.

"What?! Why can't _he_ answer it?! He's closer anyway! What, he can't walk over and open a door, but he can bother us?"

"Ahem. Renji. In case you're forgetting, he's our very distinguished guest. He doesn't answer the door at his own house, much less to say ours. Do be polite and act like a proper host." Rukia was modeling another outfit in front of the mirror, not looking entirely satisfied with what she saw.

"Excuse me…?"

"Go. Answer. The. Door. _Now_."

"Fine, no need to get testy." He made a big show of getting up and leaving the room.

Rukia sighed. "I guess this will do", she mumbled.

A few minutes later, someone else was at the door.

"Oh, Miss Rukia!! What's going on in there?"

It was Rangiku.

"Don't bother her!"

Renji was also there.

"You might make her take even longer!"

_Gee, thanks, Renji. _

"Aw, she can't pick what to wear? Don't tell me she asked _your_ opinion."

Rukia was brushing her hair.

"So what if she did? I'm her husband! Who else is she going to ask? _You_?"

"Well, I have very good fashion sense, you know."

Rukia was trying to ignore them.

"You wish."

"_Besides_, everyone knows that a girl should never trust a guy's opinion about her clothes. When it comes to _that_, you should only value the opinion of other girls."

Rukia was brushing harder and faster, trying _really_ hard to ignore them.

"Yeah. Unless _I'm_ the guy. She doesn't have to try to impress me. I don't care what she wears."

"But see, that logic is all wrong! Just because she's already with someone doesn't mean she shouldn't dress to impress! Being indifferent to her physical appearance could be so discouraging. She could lose confidence in herself! Renji, you jerk!"

Rukia realized that her hair looked worse now that when she had begun.

"Shut up and get out of the hall, you jerks!" she snarled, bursting out of the room.

"Oh, Rukia!" said Rangiku, "Are you ready?"

"Go wait in the living room! I'll be ready in a minute!"

The door slammed in their faces.

There was a pause, then Rangiku said, "So, she's kind of testy, huh?"

…

"Finally!" said Renji, when Rukia came into the living room.

She scowled at him.

"Aw, Rukia, you look adorable!" said Rangiku. She dragged Rukia across the room. "That looks totally cute on you!"

"Thanks…could you please stop pulling me?"

"Will do. Izuru and I will be waiting for you outside."

"No need. We're right behind you", said Renji, coming to stand next to Rukia.

The front door was open. Rangiku and Izuru were already outside. All that was left was for Rukia and Renji to join them. Little did Rukia know that she was about to say something that Renji had been dreading all along.

"Maybe we should invite nii-sama to come with us."

Byakuya was currently standing at the other end of the foyer, to see them off (or so Rukia was assuming).

Renji was quick to shoot down this suggestion. "No. _No_. No way in hell! This is for _couples_. And as you can clearly see, he doesn't have a date. Maybe he should get a girl. _Then_ maybe he might be able to come along."

Rukia was horrified. Renji was entering forbidden territory! Not that he'd know. Rukia had never actually told Renji about Hisana. Maybe that had been a mistake…

She punched him in the shoulder.

"Hey! What the hell?"

But she ignored his angry protests and had her attention focused wholly on Byakuya.

As always, his face was completely unreadable.

_Damn, that's annoying. A rock is more expressive!_

"Please ignore him, nii-sama. You can come if you want", said Rukia.

"No", he replied, "I would rather not."

"Oh…okay", said Rukia. _He's pissed. _

"Have an enjoyable time, Rukia", he said, then went into another part of the house.

_No. It's worse than I thought. He's not just pissed. He's _really_ pissed. And hurt. _

"Um, Rukia? Are we going or what?" asked Renji.

"Maybe…maybe I should stay with nii-sama…"

"What?! No! You heard him just now. He said 'Have an enjoyable time, Rukia'. I think that means he wants you to come."

"I…I suppose…"

"So come on, then!"

Rukia didn't move for a minute. Then the two of them went out the door. Rukia shut it behind her.

There was dead silence.

_After dinner…I'll tell him about Hisana…_

"…Rukia?"

"Come on! What's taking so long?" called Rangiku.

"Oh, sorry about the hold up! My brother came to see us off", said Rukia.

"Oh, I see. Well, are we ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be!" said Rukia.

"Well, come on, then. Pick up the pace, Renji!"

Renji was still on the front porch, looking rather confused about Rukia's sudden change in demeanor.

"…coming", he said, then went to join them.

* * *

The next chapter features the date.

Please review!


	9. Act IX

All right. I realize it's been a while, and I apologize. So here's Chapter 9!

* * *

"Wow, Renji, I'm impressed! This place is really classy!" said Izuru.

"Yeah, it is. I'm shocked they let a guy like you inside", said Rangiku.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean…?"

"This is a pleasant surprise", said Rukia, "I wasn't expecting you to take me someplace so nice."

"Why _wouldn't_ I take you someplace nice? When it comes to you, no place is out of reach", Renji replied.

"That's nice of you to say. It's not like I had any doubts or anything", said Rukia, "It's just that after our first date, I never thought that you would be the sort to have expensive tastes."

"Yeah, do you really have to bring that up _now_?"

"Why? What did you do?" asked Rangiku.

"What makes you so sure I did anything wrong?" Renji snapped.

"Aw, the first date wasn't too bad", said Rukia, "But there were other ones that were far more…interesting. There was one time where he even fell asleep."

"Please don't bring that up", said Renji.

"And then there was the time he got drunk…"

"Don't bring that one up, either", said Renji.

"Then, of course, there was one time where we were kissing at the Kuchiki manor and nii-sama walked in on us", Rukia continued, "Do you remember that, Renji?"

Renji was holding his head in his hands. "Yes. Yes, I remember that."

"Oh, man! I wish I would've been there to see that one!" said Rangiku, "It's no wonder he hates your guts! You never mentioned that there was already bad blood between you!"

"Well, if I'd known he was going to barge in, of course I would have been more cautious!"

"As soon as nii-sama walked in, he had this surprised expression on his face. I still remember it like it just happened. It was pretty comical", said Rukia.

"It sure as hell wasn't for me! Especially since he was blocking the only way out of the room…and we were on the third floor, so the window wasn't an option as an escape route…"

"Ha! Now that's what I call bad planning!" said Rangiku, "Not only are you getting _acquainted_ with Rukia, but you're doing it in her older brother's house! On the third floor! With the said brother at home! That's bold! How big of an idiot are you?"

"Sheesh, do you have to talk so loud?! Everyone can hear you! It's not like I want that little…incident…relayed for everyone to hear!"

"Um, you're actually the one talking loud right now", said Izuru.

"Besides", said Renji more calmly, "You make it sound like we were getting it on or something. Rukia can tell you that wasn't the case. Because if it _was_…"

"…you wouldn't be alive and still with us?" Rangiku suggested.

"_No_. That wasn't what I was implying!" said Renji, "You obviously have a dirty mind, so you're just jumping to conclu--"

"And I'm not that kind of girl!" Rukia interjected.

"Of course not", Rangiku replied, "But he could have tried to coerce you."

"There was no coercion. Don't worry", said Rukia.

"Well, I'm just looking out for your well-being, Rukia", Rangiku said, "Girls have to stick together. So if he ever tries to pull anything on you, just let me know and I'll beat him up for you."

Renji was keeping his temper down. _Whose side is she on?! _

"Umm…thanks for the offer…but I don't really need your assistance at this point in time…" Rukia replied awkwardly.

"Oh, so he's pretty well-behaved, huh? Well, if he puts a toe out of line, just let me know."

_Great…so if I mess up, I'll have Rukia's wrath…then Kuchiki-taichou's wrath…then Rangiku's wrath…Rangiku, you traitor! _

"Man, Renji, I can't believe you picked a place that doesn't even serve sake. Now that's what I call fancy!"

Rangiku was already on a different subject.

"Why would I pick a place that serves sake? So you and Izuru can get smashed?"

"What, you're suddenly too good to get smashed with us? So does that mean you're going to start drinking tea, like some proper young fellow?"

"Wha--?! Hell no!" Renji snapped.

Rukia pinched him. "Renji, shut up! People are staring!"

"Hey, what did you do that for?! Oh! Hey! Knock it off!"

They glared at each other.

"What's your problem, anyway? You've seemed distracted the entire time we've been out."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"This is about _him_, isn't it?!" Renji exploded, "Damn, stop worrying about him already! Even when he's nowhere around he still comes between us!"

"Renji, stop yelling! You're going to get us thrown out!" Izuru hissed.

"It's not like it really matters at this point", said Rangiku, "We're already done eating and dinner was his treat anyway. Besides, they don't have sake."

"Yeah, and--huh?! What do you mean, my treat?!" Renji snarled.

"Hey, hey, I had plans for tonight! You owe me!"

"You're the one who picked tonight! Why would you pick a night that you already had plans?!"

"Uh…I forgot."

"You…you forgot that you had plans?! How the hell is that my fault?!"

Rangiku was ignoring him.

"Rukia, something really is the matter, isn't it? You should be calling Renji a moron or telling him to shut up at this point. Are you really that concerned about your brother?"

"Well, I'm not going to lie, I _am_ concerned…but that's not quite it. When you mentioned that you had plans tonight, I remembered that I had some plans tonight as well. I cancelled them, of course, but it was last minute so I'm afraid I might have come off as rude…"

"Oh, you cancelled your plans?" asked Rangiku.

"Well…yes. That's the appropriate thing to do."

"…I knew I'd forgotten to do something."

* * *

There's three main characters in this story, but I haven't been giving one of them as much attention as the other two. The next chapter is all about Byakuya. So stay tuned.


	10. Act X

It's been a long time. I am sorry.

Just, for some reason I lost my momentum or something. This story suddenly became impossibly hard to write for some reason. I was never quite satisfied with this chapter and kept doing it over, but I'm content with this end result, and I've got my momentum back (which is good for you readers).

Oh, yeah. Since people keep mentioning the fact that Renji was OoC in Act II, I feel I should explain myself. That chapter probably doesn't really "fit in". That's because I had a different course for the story at the time I wrote it. He was intentionally OoC...but then he got BiC and the story ended up like this...

Oh well. It's probably for the best anyway.

* * *

Byakuya was in the house. Alone.

He didn't like being alone. When he was alone, his mind couldn't help but drift to Hisana.

And of course, what that idiot Renji had said as he left didn't help anything.

Why was he letting it bother him, anyway? Renji Abarai was a hothead and not worth regarding.

And yet it still nagged at him.

So was he to assume that Rukia had never told Renji about Hisana? Well, that was probably for the best anyway.

What was he to say when this month was over? Although he had to admit that Renji and Rukia seemed quite fond of each other, that wouldn't make it any easier to give his blessing. Especially to _Renji_…of course, he was still better than Ichigo Kurosaki, but not by much…

Then again, how could he be sure it wasn't an act because he was here watching?

It seemed real enough, but still…

Or did he just really _want_ it to be an act?

No! There was no point in speculating over it.

He really needed to find something to do to distract himself.

…

Byakuya was hungry. So what was he supposed to do? Had Rukia really left him to starve while she went out to enjoy herself?

Then he spotted a covered bowl on the counter. There was a note with a bunny on the front sitting next to it.

He opened it.

"Nii-sama,

I made dinner for you.

Love, Rukia."

There was a little heart after Rukia's name.

Well, that was that.

…

After dinner, Byakuya went outside. The moon was bright and full, illuminating the world of the night.

It didn't matter where he was, or who he was with, or how he was feeling, there was always the moon. It was always there, marking the passing of time.

He wasn't quite sure why he preferred the moon over the sun. He had always been partial to the night. When Hisana had first come to live with him in the Seireitei, she had been afraid to come outside at night. She'd stay inside, and though Byakuya would ask her to join him, on that issue, she was stubborn, and he couldn't imagine what her life in the Rukongai had been like to make her so scared of the dark.

But after a couple of days, he had noticed that when he went out at night, she watched him through the windows. Every night, she watched him. And then one day, she finally came out and accompanied him.

She had at first been wary, and had clung to him as though he was her protector who would ward off the evils of the night. But then, over time, she grew more relaxed. She wasn't always so guarded. Not in his presence. She'd take walks in the moonlight with him every night. It was something special that they did together. It was as though no one else in the world existed.

How maddening that Hisana came to mind every time he looked at the moon!

He could see it in his mind…him and Hisana taking moonlit walks together…except Hisana became Rukia and it was Renji by her side!

But of course there was no comparison, between him and Hisana and Rukia and Renji. No comparison!

Even when they were gone, he couldn't get away from them?!

Now that he thought on it, he had not taken a walk in the moonlight since he came to stay here. It probably wasn't safe, anyway. At the Kuchiki manor, it was safe, and secure, and the night was nothing to fear…not that he really feared it here, either. It wasn't like he really had anything to worry about. But still, the audacity! He couldn't believe Renji would bring Rukia to live somewhere even remotely unsafe.

Of course, when it came to safety, Renji probably wasn't the most reliable person. This might be a matter that Byakuya would have to take into his own hands. Surely even the loudmouthed Renji wouldn't protest too much at Byakuya's involvement, since this matter had to do with Rukia's well-being. And in the end, that was something both he and Renji were looking out for…right?

Well, at least they had _one_ objective in common.

But of course, the safest place for Rukia to be would be at the Kuchiki manor, where Byakuya could always protect her and keep an eye on her. Because if he wasn't around and Rukia got injured or killed…well, he didn't really want to dwell on that, and he wasn't quite sure he could trust Renji with this all-important task.

He went inside.

It wasn't the fact that he'd thought of Hisana that bothered him. That happened all the time. How could he not think of her, when he lived with her sister, who was her very image? Or had lived, anyway. But for that idiot Renji to mock Hisana's memory…and he thought he might eventually get Byakuya's approval? Not at this rate!

He found himself in the front hallway, by the door Rukia and Renji had passed through what seemed like quite a while before.

Stupid Renji.

…

Byakuya had just finished in the bath when he heard noises outside. Despite his suspicions that Renji had brought Rukia to live in an unsafe place, he wasn't overly concerned at first. It was just him at home, anyway. Any common thief would be foolish to cross him. Besides, since this was the Seireitei, he had to question the number of common thieves that might be lurking about (although, some of the lower shinigami and anyone from 11th company were suspect).

As he dressed, however, the noises persisted--and unless his ears were failing him, they were growing louder. He was about the put in the kenseikan, but he stopped. It was a woman's voice he was hearing!

Just as he'd suspected. What sort of place had Renji stolen Rukia away to?!

He grabbed Senbonzakura. There was no question. Even if he _did_ give Renji and Rukia his approval, they were coming back to the Kuchiki manor with him. Well, Rukia anyway.

Before he had a chance to open the front door and see what was the matter, the door slammed open, and Renji was standing there. Rukia ran up behind him, yelling at him ("Renji, you jerk! What the hell?! Answer me!")

Byakuya stood behind Renji. His left hand held Renji's left wrist, and his right hand held Senbonzakura at Renji's throat.

"Nii-sama?!" cried Rukia.

"Oh. I see. It was you I heard, Rukia", said Byakuya.

"Um…nii-sama, maybe you should release Renji?" said Rukia delicately.

Byakuya let go of Renji and withdrew Senbonzakura. "Hardly worth unsheathing Senbonzakura for." He pushed past Renji and went back into the house.

Renji seemed to have finally recovered his wits enough to speak. "Wh…what the hell?! This is the crap I come home to?!"

"At least he didn't break your wrist", said Rukia optimistically.

"That's not helpful! I feel sorry for the person who sneaks up on _him_ in the dark!"

As Byakuya sheathed Senbonzakura, Rukia said, "You may have overdone it, nii-sama…"

"Rukia", said Renji, who was still feeling humiliated, "Did you know that was going to happen?!"

"That's why I told you to announce yourself before you go barging in, you moron! Nii-sama doesn't like to be startled."

"Yeah, I could have told you that! How was I supposed to know he was going to be right by the front door?"

"You are back earlier than expected", said Byakuya, "Did something occur?"

"Don't ask _me_!" said Rukia, "He just took off for home and won't tell me why!"

"Rukia, stop talking! You'll make me lose my willpower!"

"Don't speak to her that way", said Byakuya.

"Kuchiki-taichou! You stop talking too!"

Byakuya was regretting withdrawing Senbonzakura from Renji's scrawny neck.

"Kuchiki-taichou!" said Renji, "I…apologize."

* * *

When it comes to Rukia being paired with someone, I said Byakuya might prefer Renji over Ichigo because Renji's, you know, never beaten him in combat. Byakuya seems like the sort who dislikes losing, _especially_ to someone like Ichigo. It's nothing personal on my part.


	11. Act XI

It's been a little while, but here's Chapter 11. It's the first chapter of this story to use a dreaded flashback.

* * *

Earlier in the evening...

After they finished dinner, paid the bill, and were walking out the door, Rangiku came up to Renji, slapping him on the back so hard he nearly lost his balance.

He glared at her. "What the hell?!"

"Good luck, Renji! You kids go have fun!"

"Where are you going?" asked Rukia.

"Are you kidding me? That place didn't serve sake. Izuru and I are going drinking."

"You're just leaving us?"

"Thanks for dinner! I told them to add our bill to yours! See you tomorrow!"

"What?!" Renji snarled, "I _thought _our bill seemed high! I thought I was getting ripped off! Rangiku! I'll get you back for this!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Izuru and Rangiku departed.

"It's probably best that you didn't pick a restaurant that served sake. They're pretty scary when they're drunk", said Rukia.

"How many times have you seen them drunk?"

"More than I wanted to. Of course, I've also seen _you_ drunk, and that's also pretty scary."

"Now that I think about it, I've never seen _you_ drunk, Rukia."

"Oh, I've gotten drunk with Rangiku."

"What?! You'd get drunk with Rangiku but not with me?!"

"It's...really not that big of a deal..."

"But you know who would be really scary to see drunk? Your brother."

"I...I can't actually imagine that. The whole time I've lived with him, I've never once seen him touch even a drop of sake. If he does drink, I've never seen it."

"Maybe we should spike his tea with sake or something."

"Um, I think he'd know."

"I don't know. I think he lets his guard down when he's drinking tea."

"But he'd still notice if it tasted weird."

"Well, what if it was morning and he was still groggy? His senses wouldn't be as sharp."

"Have you _ever_ seen him groggy?"

"...no."

"So, what shall we do now? Go out somewhere?" queried Rukia.

Renji scowled. "You've really been troubled all night, haven't you?"

"What? What are you talking about? Can't you even tell when I'm all right, Renji?!"

"Shut up! Don't lie! You're obviously distraught!"

"You imbecile! Do I _look_ distraught to you?!"

"I can just tell!"

"Well, _obviously_--"

"Forget it", said Renji, and stalked off.

Rukia knew immediately that something was seriously wrong, if _Renji_ was backing down from a confrontation.

"Renji! Where are you going?"

He ignored her.

"Renji! How dare you ignore me!" She went after him.

...

And thus, our current situation...

"Kuchiki-taichou", said Renji, "I...I apologize."

"Renji?!" cried Rukia in shock.

"I got it out, okay!" said Renji, "You don't know how hard that was!"

"Renji, what made you decide to do that? It's not like you."

"Because he was on your mind the entire time we were out!"

"He...he was not!"

"Don't lie!"

"Stop assuming I lie!"

"But you _do_ lie!"

"Oh, yeah?!"

"He was on your mind the entire time, and I figured I probably did something that had to do with him that upset you. So I apologized so you'd feel better."

An important rule for getting on a woman's good side: sometimes it's better not to tell the truth.

"You mean...you mean you don't even know why you apologized?!"

"How the hell should I know? I don't think I did anything wrong, but obviously I did _something_ to offend you!"

"You're unbelievable!"

"More arguing, I see", said Byakuya, and walked away.

His departure immediately drew Renji and Rukia's attention.

"He...didn't even acknowledge my apology." _That prick! _

"He's not really the sentimental sort", said Rukia, "And he's probably in shock that you even know what an apology is. He looked surprised."

"How can you tell? All his facial expressions look exactly the same."

"How long do you think I lived with him? I at least learned to read him a _little_."

"Really."

"Really!"

"You said he wouldn't even look at you for most of the time you were living with him!"

"So what?!"

"So I'm saying for someone like him, facial expressions won't do! His face won't tell you anything! You need eye contact! You can tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyes. So to really 'read' someone like him, eye contact is important."

"Stop talking like you know more about him than me--!"

Byakuya came back.

They looked over at him.

"I'm going to retire now", he said, "I don't want to be disturbed."

He went into his room.

"What does he _do_ when he 'retires', anyway?" wondered Renji, in a quieter voice.

"How should I know? He doesn't like to be disturbed."

"Does he even sleep?"

"Well, yeah...I mean, it's only logical..."

"You mean you've never actually seen him sleep?"

"What part of 'he doesn't like to be disturbed' did you not understand?"

"Haven't you ever wanted to slide his bedroom door open a crack so you can see what he does?"

"Of course I've _wanted_ to, but it's too risky. What if he's awake when I look inside?"

"There is that. But there's also a chance to see him asleep. Wouldn't that be worth the risk?"

"Are you really that interested?"

"I've never seen Kuchiki-taichou sleep...or nap...or even lounge around...you did teach him the meaning of the word 'leisure' in your time with him, right?"

...

"Renji, I really am proud of you for apologizing to nii-sama", said Rukia later, in their room, "You must have killed your pride to do it."

"Hell yes! You have no idea."

"You've made me very happy."

"Uh-huh."

"You know...Renji...I know what you wanted to do after dinner..."

He looked at her curiously. "What are you getting at?"

"Rangiku told me you've been grumpy because my brother's interfering with...you know."

"Your brother interferes with every--" Something clicked in Renji's mind. "Oh. _That_."

"Yeah. _That_."

"Hey, wait, Rangiku told you about that?!" _That little...! _

"I can't believe you'd tell Rangiku about your frustration before you'd tell me. I'm the one who has to put up with you! You moron."

"I can't tell you! It...it's embarrassing!"

"Well, I know now, so it doesn't really matter."

"...I guess."

"You're pretty pathetic."

The two sat next to each other in bed. Renji was getting fidgety and Rukia sat there like she knew something he didn't.

Wait for it...

"Don't just sit there smirking! It's not funny! So what if I want to do it...it's natural! Any normal guy has desires!"

"Nii-sama seems to compose himself pretty well."

"Like I said, any _normal_ guy..."

He got a punch to the shoulder.

"I mean, uh...it's not that I know all about him or anything...I guess I've just never seen his charming, seductive side." _Does it even exist?! _

Rukia snorted.

"What?"

"I...I can't even imagine that!" She burst out laughing.

"Is it really that funny?"

"Come on, can _you_ picture it?"

"Your brother's romantic life is something I really don't want a mental image of...assuming he has one. Hey, he's head of the Kuchiki family, right? Shouldn't he get married and get to work on some heirs or something?"

"Nii-sama isn't that old", Rukia replied, "He has plenty of time for that."

"Well, I get that. I just don't get what's taking him so long. A guy like him should be able to get a woman with no trouble at all. All the girls have the hots for him. It's sickening."

"Renji, what are you talking about? Girls don't have the hots for nii-sama."

"Rukia, what Seireitei have _you_ been living in? You've obviously been isolated in the Kuchiki manor. Do you know how many girls would love to be you?"

"Why?" asked Rukia, genuinely surprised, "What's so great about being me?"

"You're around him _all the time_. You've lived in the same house as him. You can talk to him anytime you want."

"So? What's your point?"

Renji sighed. "You really are pretty clueless..."

"I...I am not clueless!"

"You're clueless."

"I am not!"

"Good night, Rukia."

...

The next morning, Renji innocently came into the kitchen to get some breakfast when Rukia pounced.

"So were you serious when you said girls have the hots for nii-sama?" she hissed.

"You're still thinking about that?"

"Yes...it's bothering me."

"Why?"

"Well...the thought of women eyeing nii-sama makes me uncomfortable."

"Don't you think having men eyeing _you _made _him_ uncomfortable?"

"But you were the only one who did that."

"Like I said--clueless."

"Like _I_ said--_I am not_!"

"So is breakfast ready?" he asked, looking past her.

"Yeah, yeah..."

"Is your brother awake?"

"I haven't seen him yet."

"In his case, that doesn't mean anything."

"Well, if you're that curious about it, why don't you go bang on his bedroom door and ask him if he's awake?" suggested Rukia.

"That's a horrible idea!" said Renji. _He'd bury me right then and there!_

"Why do you care if he's awake or not anyway? Do you have pressing business with him? You're in the same company. It shouldn't be much of a problem to talk to him."

"I just wanted to make sure he hadn't left yet. He doesn't like it when I show up at Sixth Company after him. If I do, he thinks I'm trying to get out of work or something."

"Well, you are kind of lazy..."

"I am not! I work my ass off!"

"Then why do you have time on your hands to hold a leisurely conversation?"

Renji twitched, as Rukia said cheerily, "Oh, good morning, nii-sama!"

Byakuya came into the kitchen. "Good morning."

"I'm not quite finished with your breakfast yet."

"That is fine." Byakuya took the cup of tea that had been set out for him and sat down at the table, across from Renji.

Renji looked up from his breakfast at Byakuya, who was paying him no attention. Nothing unusual there...

Then Byakuya's eyes locked on Renji's. Renji froze, seized by his taichou's steely gaze.

_Oh, crap, what's he giving me dirty looks for? _

"Here you go, nii-sama", said Rukia, setting Byakuya's breakfast before him. Then she herself sat down between them to eat her own meal.

"It is fortunate that you have some cooking skill", said Byakuya.

"If I didn't, we probably would've starved to death by now", she replied.

_Sadly, that's probably true_, thought Renji, _I can't cook and he'd probably refuse to cook. _

They didn't say much over breakfast, but then, there was nothing unusual about that.

Renji watched Byakuya the entire time. He knew that as soon as Byakuya finished eating he would leave. So Renji definitely had to get done before him so he would get to Sixth Company first.

Somehow, it degenerated into an eating contest, and Renji was the only competitor.

As soon as he finished eating, he left.

"That idiot didn't even bother to clean up his place at the table!" said Rukia indignantly.

Byakuya took a sip of tea. "He seems to be in quite a rush today."

* * *

When you think about it, Rukia _is _pretty lucky. She basically interacts with most of the guys of Bleach on a regular basis.

I'll try my best to update somewhat regularly. However, the way Chapter 12 is going, it might end up reading somewhat...weird. I will explain more when I post it.

Read and review, please. And I've enabled anonymous reviews again (I had no idea they were disabled until a reviewer on another story told me! It was pretty embarrassing).


	12. Act XII

I feel like the chapters are getting longer and longer. There's nothing wrong with that, but it just takes forever to type...

The reason I said this chapter might read weird is because it covers three different POVs (I have previously stuck with one character per chapter). Also, there is a new POV introduced.

Anyway, here you go.

* * *

"Oh, Rukiaaaa!"

Rukia barely had time to turn before Rangiku glomped her.

"Rukia, my dear, I have an excellent proposal for you!"

"Mmmfff…"

"What?"

"Gah!" Rukia pushed herself away. "I couldn't breathe!"

"Really? But Hitsugaya-taichou never has any problems breathing when I hug him. At least, he never says so."

"What are you doing in Thirteenth Company anyway?!"

"Well, I know things didn't go as planned yesterday night…"

"'As planned'? What are you talking about?"

"Oh. After the dinner date, Renji was going to take you to an inn or something so you two could have some fun. The date was just a cover-up to hide his true intentions…because your brother would kill him if he suspected…"

"_I'll_ kill him! I can't believe it was all a ruse! That idiot!"

"Poor Rukia…let me clutch you to my bosom!"

"No, thank you. I don't want to suffocate again."

"Then can I help you kill the idiot?"

"Sure. I don't care."

"Awesome! I'll go round up some guests to come and watch. And I'll bring lots of sake!" Rangiku walked off.

"Hey, wait?!" cried Rukia, "What do you mean, 'guests'?"

…

For some reason, Renji felt an intense silent pressure. Being in the Sixth Company headquarters was getting him on edge.

He immediately knew why when he was called into Byakuya's office.

Renji was surprised to see stacks of papers on Byakuya's desk. Byakuya wasn't doing his paperwork? Byakuya Kuchiki, the resident work-a-holic?!

It was Renji's first clue that something was horribly wrong.

Renji wanted to ask why Byakuya was acting so out of character. But knowing Byakuya Kuchiki, it had to be done very delicately and with great sensitivity.

"Kuchiki-taichou, you've really fallen behind on your paperwork."

"That is precisely why I called you in here", said Byakuya, "Abarai, you're my fukutaichou. As repulsive as that may be, that makes you the second-in-command. I'm a busy man. I have an entire company to run."

"I know that, sir", Renji replied. Byakuya was talking in his usual monotone, but Renji was still getting apprehensive. _I don't like where this is going…_

"It's part of the taichou's duty to see that his fukutaichou's duties get done. Abarai, this paperwork is quite urgent. Get it done."

"Um…which stack?"

"All of them."

_He…he hates me!!_

"Do close your mouth, Abarai. You're gaping like a fish. It's unseemly."

"K…Kuchiki-taichou…"

"It's part of my job to make sure you job gets done, as I said. And since that paperwork is so important, you're not leaving here until it's all done. Now you had better get started. You don't go through paperwork very quickly."

The whole time, Byakuya's elbows had been resting on the desk, his hands clasped in front of them. He lowered them now, and his cold eyes locked directly onto Renji's. "That's an order."

_A demon! He's a demon!!_

…

"Hitsugaya-taichou, I'm going on a lunch break!" said Rangiku.

"What?!" The young taichou looked up from his desk irritably.

Rangiku was always forgetting that her taichou didn't know the meaning of the word 'break'. "I'm tired from work. I need to take a break and relax for a little while." Oh, wait…'relax' wasn't in his vocabulary either.

"How can you be tired?! You haven't done anything!"

"How can you say that? I've been in and out all morning!"

"Not doing anything important! You haven't done _any_ of the work I gave you this morning!"

"I'll do it before I leave today, I promise! I'm a reliable person!"

From the look on Toshiro's face, that argument didn't convince him. At all.

"Hitsugaya-taichou…" said Rangiku sweetly.

He sighed loudly and with great exaggeration, to let her know just how annoyed he was.

"Thank you, sir. I'll be back soon."

Rangiku had a plan---and since she was the one who came up with it, it was a great and incomparable plan.

Her destination was Sixth Company. She'd already talked to Rukia, so now it was time to conspire with Renji. Really, she wasn't _trying_ to cause trouble. She really was trying to help them win Byakuya Kuchiki's approval. But somehow, they managed to bungle everything!

She saw a strange and horrible sight, when she arrived. Renji was at a desk. Doing paperwork.

"_You're_ doing paperwork? But you always seemed more like a fieldwork kind of guy." She shook her head. "And here I'd always thought you were so lucky to get a taichou who didn't hardly make you do any paperwork. He really slammed you, didn't he?"

She leaned against the desk, but her elbow bumped into one of the stacks. These papers knocked the other stacks askew. Renji jumped up in horror as papers spilled everywhere---all over the desk and all over the floor.

Rangiku looked at the mess she'd made. "Oops."

Renji was frozen in shock. Then he managed to say, "Those stacks were _organized_! He categorized every one of them!"

"Kuchiki-taichou did?"

"Yes! Yes, he did!"

"Oh." Rangiku hopped off the desk and started picking up papers. "Well, I'm sure it's not that bad. We'll just have to re-organize them."

"You don't understand. Have you ever _seen_ his classification system? If there's a single paper out of order, he'll _know_. And he gets angry. Why do you think he does most of the paperwork himself? It's because he doesn't think anyone else is competent enough!"

"So then what's with the sudden change of heart? If anything, I thought his opinion of your competence had lowered." With one sweep of her arm, she knocked the papers from the desk onto the floor and set her tiny stack down on the cleared surface.

"He did this on purpose. He was setting me up for failure. He _knew_ I'd mess up."

"But it's my fault these papers got scattered everywhere. If he tries to yell at you, I'll just explain to him. He seems like a reasonable and logical man."

"No, I would have messed up at some point anyway. I just can't sit down at a desk for a long period of time", Renji explained as they picked up papers together, "I get fidgety. And then I get careless with my work because I just want to get it over with. I wouldn't be surprised if I messed up on something before you came in."

"I'll need to go back and do _my_ paperwork", said Rangiku, "Hitsugaya-taichou will keep bugging me until I do it. Oh, yeah. Rukia's angry with you because I told her the reason for the date was so you could do her later without her brother interfering."

Renji dropped some of the papers he was holding.

Then: "You _what_?! Rangiku…do you _hate_ me…?!"

"No. How was I supposed to know you were deceiving the poor girl?"

"I wasn't deceiving her! But you didn't have to be so blunt!"

"Renji." Rangiku slapped another handful of papers on the desk. "I'm not going to be home this evening."

"So?"

"So both Izuru and I are going out tonight. It's Shuuhei's turn to host poker."

"That's tonight? And you didn't invite me?"

"Well, actually, that was the plan for last night, but I asked the guys to reschedule. I told them you were having trouble winning your nii-sama's approval. So they offered to help."

"Aw, come on, you can't get the guys involved in this, they'll just make things worse, and---_hey, did you call him my nii-sama_?!"

"He's Rukia's nii-sama. And since you and Rukia are married, that makes him _your_ nii-sama, too. Your taichou is your nii-sama. Talk about awkward!"

"Somehow, Rangiku, you never make things any better. Look, it's unfortunate that we happen to be related, but don't ever call him my nii-sama!" Then Renji stopped and looked around.

"What are you doing?" asked Rangiku.

"I was expecting him to walk in with some smartass comeback. I've been expecting him to bust in every since you spilled these papers."

"Why? You make it sound like you _want_ him to come in."

"Of course I don't, but he always appears when I don't want him to."

"But you're expecting it. Therefore, he won't come."

"What are you talking about?" asked Renji irritably.

"It's just like when you're Hollow hunting. You catch them by surprise. Wherever they don't expect you, that's where you are."

"…so you're comparing me to a Hollow."

…

Rukia was still fuming when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"So…having marriage problems, huh?"

"H…Hisagi…!" cried Rukia in surprise.

"So what's the source of the problem?" asked Shuuhei.

"That's…kind of personal…"

"Oh. Well. It's not like I have any experience with these sorts of things."

Rukia and Shuuhei stood there awkwardly. Then Shuuhei said, "So…I'm going to go…I've got important, um, taichou stuff to do, so…see you later, Kuchiki-san…"

"Wait, why are you here?" asked Rukia, who was very confused.

"Oh. Rangiku. She asked me to come."

"Rangiku did? But why?" _And why Shuuhei? _

"She said you and Renji were having marital problems, so we thought we might try and help."

_Who's 'we'? Do I even want to know? _"I see."

"So what's it like, being married?"

"Oh. It's all right. It's not as nightmarish as people make it seem, but it's not heavenly bliss, either."

"I see. You're a noble, do you have to do any housework?"

"Oh. Yes. I do some."

"Really? But you're Kuchiki-taichou's sister. I didn't think he would allow that."

"Well, we had a falling-out when I ran off with Renji."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But we're getting along better now."

"Well, that's good…"

…

"Well, I'm going to go, before my taichou comes looking for me. He gets cranky when he has to do that."

"Hey, wait, you're not even going to stay to pick up the rest of _your_ mess?!"

"Well, it's _mostly_ good. Besides, you can do the rest on your own."

"Rangiku!"

"Oh, don't get all mad. You can consider this repaying me."

"Repaying _you_? For what?!"

Rangiku sighed like he was missing an obvious point. "I already told you that Izuru and I aren't going to be home tonight."

"Yeah. You're going to be at the poker game that you didn't invite me to."

"And there's a reason we didn't invite you! Renji, you and Rukia are free to come over in our absence tonight to use my house as you see fit. You can't do it at home with your darling nii-sama around, and last night didn't work out, so this is your next best option, right? Just go do your business, and come back home before your nii-sama misses you."

"Stop calling him my nii-sama!" snapped Renji, "And you're not playing any tricks? There's not going to be someone hiding in the shadows ready to pop out at me, is there?"

"You're so silly. I'm going to go find Rukia. The guys may have already gotten to her."

"Hey, I thought you said you were leaving to go do your paperwork?!"

"…oops. Slip of the tongue."

…

Meanwhile, Rukia was finishing her heart-to-heart with Shuuhei.

"…and then Rangiku tells me that last night was all a ruse just because _he's _feeling sexually frustrated!" Rukia fumed.

"A man has his needs", Shuuhei replied, "But I see where you're coming from."

"Thank you! You know, you're really easy to talk to."

"Um, you're welcome?"

* * *

I intentionally omitted Byakuya's POV from this chapter. He's not as oblivious as they all think.


	13. Act XIII

Thank you, to all the reviewers to date! I no longer have the earlier chapters, so I can't thank you on a chapter-by-chapter basis, but I'll thank you all en masse!

Finally. It's been a long time, but here's the next chapter.

It's just, I didn't feel the inclination to write fics these last couple months, and I decided I would rather wait until my heart was into it rather than put out half-assed crap just so there wouldn't have to be a hiatus.

I think I probably will put out chapters on a more regular basis. I've got my fic writing mojo back again!

* * *

Night had fallen over the Seireitei. But in Sixth Company headquarters, one man was still hard at work!

Renji was wishing every curse possible on Byakuya as he tried to make sense of his taichou's classification system.

He held up two papers. One discussed a defeated Hollow that looked like a centipede. The other discussed a defeated Hollow that looked like a millipede. Somehow, they were categorized differently.

"What the hell's the difference between a centipede and a millipede anyway?!" he finally yelled in frustration, slamming both papers down onto the desk.

He shifted in his seat. He was really getting fidgety_. Damn...I'm yelling at nothing, can barely sit still...damn Byakuya! _

...

Renji paced back and forth through Sixth Company. His butt was sore from sitting down for so long. He passed only a few shinigami who were on patrol.

On his way back, he passed by the closed door of Byakuya's office.

He came back.

A few minutes later, he crept inside.

_That bastard's keeping me up all night anyway. _

You might say that it was an ordinary office, but it wasn't. It was Byakuya Kuchiki's office and that fact alone made it somewhat scary, especially at night, unoccupied. Renji was almost expecting some booby trap to spring on him.

It was completely dark inside. The only source of light was the moon, shining through the window. Renji sat down at Byakuya's desk. "Do all this paperwork, you imbecile", he said in an overly haughty fashion, "You better be scared of me, because I have noodles in my hair. I'm Byakuya Kuchiki, and you should all bow down before my awesomeness because I"m a _noble_. I'm so great, I can make my fukutaichou work all night on some paperwork. Since I'm so obsessive-compulsive, things have to be _exactly_ in order, and WHO CARES WHETHER IT'S A CENTIPEDE OR A MILLIPEDE?!"

Needless to say, Renji wasn't feeling particularly friendly towards his taichou at the moment.

He ducked under the desk as he thought he heard someone coming. When their footsteps faded away, he came back out.

He yawned. _Stupid Byakuya. _As he climbed back in Byakuya's chair, he thought of something. _He just said I couldn't go home until I finished the paperwork. He never said I couldn't do anything else. _

It was fun finding loopholes.

...

Renji slept at his desk. Someone tried to shake him awake. It didn't work. Someone shook him too hard and he slid off the desk, fell out of the chair, and crashed to the floor.

That woke him. "The hell...?"

"Is that any way to talk to me?"

"Rukia...?"

She crouched down by him. "What are you still doing here? I've been looking all over for you. Do you even know how late it is?"

"You can thank your darling brother", said Renji as he got to his feet, "He said I couldn't leave until I finished _aaaallllll_ my paperwork."

"I was getting worried", she said, "Nii-sama never said you were here."

"Of course he didn't." Renji did a double take to make sure she was still there. It was hard to see her only by the moonlight. "Hey, I thought you were all pissed at me?"

"So you thought I wouldn't worry? You idiot."

"Well, how was I supposed to know? You're not the most logical person."

"How am I not logical?! I get told that you only went on a date with me so we could have sex later!"

"You don't have to put it so bluntly."

"Of course I was angry! And offended. If that was what your problem was, then you should have told me! You idiot! _Idiot_!"

"It...it's embarrassing!" said Renji, "Besides, all you did was spend the whole time worrying about _him_."

"I thought he might get lonely."

"Well, what did he do before he adopted you into his family, huh?"

"He had his wife then."

Renji wasn't sure he'd heard that right. Was she really implying that Byakuya...?

"Nii-sama was married once", said Rukia.

Yeah. He hadn't misheard.

Renji was thrown for a loop.

Or maybe two.

"Married...Byakuya Kuchiki was...?" It seemed to be taking a while for this information to sink in. _"What_?!"

"What's the problem?" asked Rukia.

"What...what kind of woman could put up with him?"

"He might have been different then. It was before I met him."

Quite seriously, Renji asked quietly, "What happened to his wife?" although he suspected the answer wouldn't be a happy one.

"She died." Rukia's concise bluntness dropped the verdict with utter finality.

"Well", said Renji, "That explains a lot." He wasn't sure what else to say.

"I thought you should know."

"You thought I should know...? Why didn't you tell me this before?! Things could be a lot different right now!"

"One little thing like that would really change everything?! Besides, I didn't feel it was my place to tell you. Nii-sama...I didn't want to feel like I was betraying his trust."

"You just did. So how do you explain that?"

"Because...!" She was growing agitated. "I got tired of your hostility to each other! I thought maybe if you knew, you wouldn't give him such a hard time!"

"What? This makes it worse. How come every pretty boy has to have a tragic backstory? Great. That's just great. Now I look like a prick."

As he said there trying to wrap his mind around what he'd just learned, Rukia said, "Interesting. Very interesting."

"What?"

Even in the bad light, Renji could see her smirk. He knew that smirk. He'd learned to dread that smirk.

"May I ask what you find so amusing?" he inquired, just because that smirk made him feel like she was making fun of him. Which, knowing her, she probably was.

"You feel guilty", she said, matter-of-factly.

"What? What do I have to feel guilty over?"

"You feel guilty over the way you've acted towards my brother", she said, "I guess a pretty boy with a tragic backstory _does_ sway the hearts of fangirls everywhere."

"Yeah, it's just what I was saying before."

Rukia waited.

Renji picked up on it.

"Hey, wait, what did you call me?! Why do you always pick on me?!"

"You make it too easy!"

"What do you mean?! That last one was uncalled for!"

"Nothing's off-limits!"

"That's not fair!"

"All's fair."

He sat there fuming while she drew herself up triumphantly.

"How long are you going to stay, anyway?" he asked, somewhat irritated, "You're interfering with my work."

"You're sitting in my brother's dark office. You're not doing anything important." She looked around. "How'd you get in here, anyway?"

His cough sounded oddly like 'pickedthelock'.

"I came all the way over here to check on _you_, and you really want me to leave?" she said.

"You can stay. I don't care. It doesn't matter what I say. You're just going to do what you want."

Well, Rukia couldn't deny it.

They went quiet. It was the two of them, alone in in Byakuya's dark office. The moon was the only source of light. Renji sat at the desk. Rukia leaned against it. She said softly, "The moon looks beautiful tonight. Don't you think?"

"It's just the stupid moon." There was a smack. "Er, I mean, yeah, yeah it's beautiful all right!"

"Renji, you idiot, you totally ruined it! Don't you know how to be romantic?"

"What's with this sappy _romance_ crap women are into? I don't get it. I say something poetic or buy you stuff, and that means I love you more? If you wanted 'romance', then you married the wrong person."

"Why can't a man be romantic?"

"Well, it feels kind of stupid, and there's no guarantee you'll get anything out of it. Besides, it's just kind of...can't you show some respect to my masculinity?"

"It has to actually be there for me to show respect to it."

"What?! How can you, of all people, say that after you've seen---"

Rukia slapped her hand over his mouth. They heard footsteps go by. One of the night patrol.

Really. It was a good thing there had been an interruption, because they'd really been about to venture into some bawdy territory.

Still. Rukia couldn't let that last comment (though unfinished) just sit there unchallenged. Renji was surprised by how fiesty she'd become as they made some increasingly more X-rated exchanges.

In Byakuya's dark office, with the moon as the only witness, it soon degenerated into an X-rated scene altogether. _How_ X-rated? Really, it depends on what your imagination comes up with.

Renji wasn't complaining about these proceedings. Not at all. Hell, he'd almost forgotten what he'd been missing out on since the arrival of Byakuya Kuchiki on his doorstep. He'd gone two weeks. How long had his taichou gone without...you know..._doing it_? No wonder the man acted like such an ass!

Still. One thing weighed on his mind. It had been bothering him throughout. He couldn't quite shake it off . It hung in his thoughts, nagging.

"Rukia."

"What?"

"What's the difference between a centipede and a millipede?"

* * *

Although there was a questionable scene, this fic is rated T! Plus I've never really written that kind of scene before, so it would feel awkward to try and do so.

Also---sorry. Byakuya's POV will have to wait just a little longer. We haven't heard from him in a while, so I think the next chapter will be his.


	14. Act XIV

Thank you to kally-kal, ImJustNutty, Yukiko Aimiyo, and Secret Starr for reviewing!

Finally, a Byakuya POV. Actually, I'm happy that Byakuya's just in the this one, period. You haven't been making very extensive appearances lately, Byakuya. I've missed you.

* * *

The next day, at around noon, the door to Byakuya's office slammed open. Without even looking up, Byakuya knew who it was. Only one person was bold enough to bust into his office in such an obnoxious manner, without knocking and with a complete lack of manners or common courtesy.

"Kuchiki-taichou", said Renji, having to use both arms to carry a large stack of paperwork. "Here." He gingerly set it down on Byakuya's desk, careful that it wouldn't fall over. He straightened up, looking proud. "It took a while, but I got it done. They're all organized."

"Yes, very good", said Byakuya, resuming what he'd been doing before the interruption.

"But wait, taichou."

With a sigh of annoyance, Byakuya turned his attention back to his fukutaichou. Renji's voice was like Ichigo Kurosaki's---it penetrated his ears despite his efforts to ignore it, and once there, it grated on him until he was forced to acknowledge the source of the irritation.

Renji saw that he had Byakuya's attention again and elaborated. "Well, to be precise, I was wondering---aren't you going to doublecheck the paperwork I did?"

"The reason for giving work to another is so that you do not have to do it yourself. Two people working together get something done faster than one person working alone." _Although, it did take him until noon_. "Most of the time, anyway."

"But I mean...aren't you even going to _look_ at it?"

"As my fukutaichou, I trust that you're competent enough to at least do paperwork correctly."

"So...all that, and you were never even going to review it..." Renji's voice was distant. He had the look of someone who realized that he'd slaved over something pointless. Which, effectively, he had.

"You surprise me continually", said Byakuya, "From your expression, you actually did every piece of paperwork." This was...shocking, to say the least. Even before Renji and Rukia had been married, Renji had done everything possible to get out of paperwork.

He'd faked illness. He'd had real illness. He'd gone on random trips to the world of the living, 'on business'. He'd bribed others into doing it for him. He'd threatened them with Zabimaru if they didn't take the bribe. He'd faked injuries. He'd real injured himself while trying to fake injure himself. 'Competent enough to at least do paperwork correctly'? Yeah, right. Byakuya had learned a while ago not to bother asking Renji to help him with Sixth Company's internal affairs. In fact, _no one_ in this company was reliable for such things.

It was just his luck that he'd been made taichou of a company of deadbeats. He must have had bad karma or something.

Byakuya divided the one large stack into five smaller ones. It seemed to be a big deal, so he'd at least look through the paperwork a _little_---even though these were completely unimportant pieces of paper. They were just copies of paperwork that had been done by himself ten years ago. The originals were safely tucked away, of course. It was just, these blank copies had been cluttering up space around Sixth Company headquarters and Renji had been irritating him. Of course, if Renji had looked at the dates he could have saved himself a lot of trouble, but...

He saw something interesting on the back of the first piece of paper he picked up.

"Abarai, what is this?" He held it so that Renji could see the badly drawn rabbit on the back.

"Gah! Um---I guess Rukia got bored."

"So Rukia _was_ here last night." Of course, Byakuya had already suspected that, but clearly the subject was making Renji squirm...

Still, if Rukia _had_ been here, she must surely have noticed the dates. And yet she'd let Renji struggle on? That girl had quite an evil streak.

"Yeah, she was here. What of it?" Renji's voice sounded as though his windpipe was being constricted. He shifted nervously. These were things Byakuya picked up on.

He was curious now as to why his fukutaichou would have such a reaction. Had something happened?

"I was merely curious. Shortly after I returned to my bedroom, I heard her leave the house. She did not return until sunrise." He didn't mention that due to Rukia's absence, he had tried to make his own breakfast. The result? Well...it was scarier than any Hollow. Even Rukia, when she returned, didn't want to go within ten feet of it. And after gallantly disposing of it, she had asked him to please never try to cook again. Or even _think_ about trying to cook.

"Oh. Yeah. She was here. For a while. Anyway, Kuchiki-taichou, I have important things to take care of, and so do you. We shouldn't be wasting time with meaningless conversation."

Yet another strange thing for one of the most skilled time-wasters around to say.

"Of course. But there is one more thing that has been weighing on my mind since I came in this morning. Abarai, since you were here throughout the night I am hoping that you can help me to resolve this troubling matter."

"What is it?" asked Renji curiously.

"When I go home at the end of the day", said Byakuya, "I always lock up my office. Yet when I came in this morning, the door was unlocked. Do you know why that is?"

"Wh...what's with the accusatory tone, Kuchiki-taichou?"

Accusatory? Byakuya didn't think he'd sounded that way at all.

"You really think I would pick the lock to your door and come in your office when you're not here?"

Byakuya didn't respond, but merely sat there patiently, watching his fukutaichou. It seemed to make said fukutaichou nervous.

"All right, it was Rukia", said Renji, "I told her not to, but you know how strong-willed she is. She said you wouldn't care as much if it was her. Is that all, Kuchiki-taichou?"

"Yes. You may go."

* * *

As much as I like Renji, it's just too easy to mindf*** him.


	15. Act XV

Thank you to x pink cloud x, Anymymys1, and Secret Starr for reviewing!

I've decided one of my post-hiatus resolutions is to personally thank those who review. I like being acknowledged when I review, and I'm sure there are others who feel that way too. (One of my other post-hiatus resolutions is not to have another hiatus---at least, not for this story).

* * *

"Well, aren't _you_ cheery", said Rangiku.

"What do you mean? I'm just the same as I always am", Rukia replied.

"No. No, no. You've definitely perked up. We've already been talking for at least thirty seconds and you've yet to launch a single complaint against either pineapple-head or tall, dark, and bishie."

"Don't call them weird names!" said Rukia, embarrassed. "And nii-sama's not _that_ tall..."

"That's a strange thing to say. I thought everyone would seem tall to you."

"Well---_hey!_"

"So I take it, then, that things are going well on the male front?"

The two were outside, behind Rukia's house.

"I suppose", said Rukia, "It was really very strange. At dinner Renji actually tried to make conversation."

"With...?"

"Yes. With nii-sama. And he only lost his temper once during the whole meal."

"A subdued Renji..." Rangiku looked thoughtful. "Rukia, what's your secret? You've been slipping something in his food, haven't you?"

"What?! No!"

"It's all right, Rukia. I understand." Rangiku patted the smaller woman on the shoulder. "I'm sure drugging Renji into submission has been a long-held fantasy of yours."

"It's not like that! Why does everything come back to that with you?" Rukia sighed. "You know..." She sat down on the grass. "If there had been no chance at all that things would work out, I would never have been so bold. Renji and I were friends long before nii-sama adopted me. I always was certain that me and Renji getting together had at least crossed his mind."

Rangiku sat down next to her. "Well, personally, it seemed to me like your brother wanted to cross-examine every male who even came in contact with you. And maybe some of the females, too. And he probably wanted to do it in a dimly lit, windowless interrogation room, with manacles hanging from the ceiling and torture devices along the walls."

For some reason, Rukia could totally picture that.

"Do you really have to wonder why Renji didn't make a move on you sooner?" said Rangiku, "He always had to be careful, because if he put one toe out of line...well, let's just say, I'm pretty sure your brother promised Senbonzakura a blood sacrifice or something---with the sacrifice, of course, being the skewered corpse of whoever dared to have a romantic interest in you. You're a nice girl, Rukia. But you have a taichou with a huge big brother complex and an even bigger ego for a family member, and that's a turn-off for some guys."

"So _that's_ why no one ever wanted the second date", said Rukia, "And here I thought it was just me."

"Nope. Any of your interpersonal relationships issues are his fault."

"It's just strange to think that he was that overprotective", said Rukia, "Nii-sama never acted like he cared about...well, anything."

"Except work. And Senbonzakura. And his noble status. And brooding---"

"Anyway!" said Rukia, "My point is, he's not exactly a warm and friendly person."

"Well", Rangiku replied, "What do you consider not being 'warm and friendly'?"

"He doesn't like being hugged. He _really_ doesn't like being hugged."

"So? Neither does Renji."

"I never said Renji was warm and friendly, now did I? Besides, he lets _me _hug him."

"...for obvious reasons."

"But even back when we were kids, I would hug him and that sort of thing, just because it annoyed him."

"You're actually pretty malicious, you know that?"

Rukia had a nostalgic smile on her face as she remembered back. "Yeah, it always was fun to get on his nerves..."

Rangiku suddenly jumped to her feet. "I just remembered something!"

"What is it?" asked Rukia in alarm.

"There's a meeting of the Shinigami Women's Association."

"I already knew about that! It's in three days! Don't freak me out like that."

"But Rukia, shouldn't you be more concerned than this?" asked Rangiku, with her hands on her hips.

_What's she talking about now? _"What do you mean?"

"Rukia, don't you recall what's on the agenda for this meeting?"

Rukia tried to remember back to the last meeting. Nanao always gave a preview of what they would be discussing next time in a vain attempt to maintain order, but for the life of her, Rukia couldn't remember what had been said. The last meeting had featured a giveaway, and one of the door prizes had been a Chappy plushie. Rukia had tuned out Nanao in her impatience to get to the drawing...either that, or she'd just lost interest and had just been staring blankly into space.

Well, either way, she hadn't been paying attention.

Rangiku sighed. "We go through this every year. We're discussing our annual calendar---and you know that certain members will be asked to obtain pictures of certain people, if you see what I'm getting at."

_Oh, shit. _

* * *

This was more of a transition chapter. Now that the "Get Renji laid" subplot has been resolved, we'll start on the "Byakuya and Renji have fangirls" subplot. And they do definitely have fangirls, whether separately or together.


	16. Act XVI

Sorry for the very long time between updates. What with school and all, I just wasn't feeling the inspiration, and if it's no fun for me, then it's no fun at all, especially since this fic has a history of being one of the easiest ones for me to write.

Proof of that lies in the length of this chapter. When I write, I don't decide ahead of time where an individual chapter will stop. I just 'feel' when it's at its most proper ending. And with this chapter, I just kept writing and writing and wasn't getting that feeling, until I'd written 7and ½ handwritten pages (front and back), and I write tiny.

Also, I'm considering rewriting Chapter 2. Renji was very OoC in that chapter and it bothers me now.

But before the chapter itself, some thanks to reviewers:

x pink cloud x: Thank you. You've been reviewing this story since the beginning, and even my previous one, so I am very grateful to you. Not to mention that you actually go into some degree of detail in your reviews, which I do very much appreciate.

kinimokat: Thank you, I'm glad you like it! ^^

And to the anonymous reviewer: To tell you the truth, I haven't decided yet whether Renji will find out about Hisana being Rukia's sister. If it does happen, it won't be for a couple of chapters.

Now onward, to the longest single chapter I've ever written for a piece of fanfiction.

* * *

Abarai Residence

Rukia was gone (well, dragged off by Rangiku was a more accurate summary) to a Shinigami Women's Association meeting. Thus, Byakuya and Renji were alone.

Well, to be fair, Renji might as well have been completely alone, because he hadn't seen so much as a trailing white scarf of his taichou/brother-in-law all evening.

But hey, Byakuya Kuchiki's anti-socialness wasn't his problem. His stomach, which was loudly complaining to him every five minutes---_that _was his problem.

Rukia had not had time to make dinner before she left. She had, however, left a paper with instructions on how to prepare it. At the top she'd written 'even you shouldn't be able to screw this up, Renji!' and drawn a bunny. At least, he assumed it was a bunny.

_If she had time to write stupid commentary, she had time to make dinner. _Renji looked at his progress. According to the instructions, he was finished. _I guess it's supposed to be blue and slimy…what kind of dish is this? _Something seemed very inedible about the thing before him that was supposed to pass as 'food'…but hey, he'd followed Rukia's instructions, so it had to be right. Maybe it was some weird food she'd picked up in the world of the living sometime?

He got out a bowl and doled out his portion. He then got out another bowl for Byakuya, because Rukia at least expected him to feed her brother while she was gone.

He set a pair of chopsticks in each bowl and set them on the table, debating on his next course of action. Byakuya Kuchiki was in his room, as far as Renji knew. Renji and the food were in the kitchen. Somehow the food and the Kuchiki had to end up in the same room.

Renji tried to recall how Rukia ordinarily accomplished this. Usually she went to his bedroom and told him dinner was ready, and then he would come on his own shortly afterwards.

So, Renji did the same thing. He traipsed over to Byakuya's bedroom door, yelled loudly "Kuchiki-taichou! If you want food, come out of there!", then leaned against the wall, waiting for Byakuya to come out.

Come out Byakuya did, but not out of his bedroom. The door to the bath slid open and there stood Byakuya, toweling his hair. A trail of steam followed him out.

"Oh. Did you hear me?" asked Renji, as the other man neatly began folding his towel.

"They heard you in Hueco Mundo", was Byakuya's crisp reply. And then he walked past Renji and into his bedroom.

Now, Byakuya was a man of details. He woke up, ate his meals, went to Division Six, came back, bathed, and went to sleep at the same times every day. He might have also used the bathroom at the same times every day, but Renji wasn't quite sure on that one. Renji, being a man unaccustomed to cooking, had not prepared dinner at the time Byakuya usually ate it, and so had thrown off the whole schedule.

So then did that mean that Byakuya was just going to ignore dinner and carry on with his schedule as if no interruptions had ever been made?

_Screw that! I spent an hour on dinner! He's going to eat it even if I have to cram it down his stupid throat! _

He was just about to attempt it when Byakuya exited, walking past him a second time, now in the direction of the kitchen.

Renji followed after him. He noticed that Byakuya's hair was still damp and tousled, and was only able to suppress a snicker because Byakuya was within hearing range. The Division Six taichou was very particular about his hair, the vain pretty boy. It was strange for him to allow himself to be seen in such a manner. If he felt 'unpresentable', he usually stayed in his room, allowing only Rukia to see him.

The man was as picky about his appearance as Rukia.

They went into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"You didn't even make tea…" Byakuya murmured.

"You probably wouldn't want me to make it anyway."

"If this food is any indication, then I would say that you're correct."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Renji irritably, picking up his chopsticks, "This is an exclusive dish, brought to you by yours truly."

"It's bubbling."

"The bubbles add flavor!"

Byakuya picked up a bite. Or tried to, anyway. Some of it slid back down the chopsticks and plopped back into the bowl. He set the chopsticks back down.

"Now that I think on it, I'm not really hungry for dinner tonight."

"What?! Why not?"

"I don't care for food poisoning."

Renji was momentarily stunned by this blunt answer. The 'Byakuya Kuchiki annoys me so I want to contradict whatever he says' impulse kicked in, however, and Renji replied, "Food poisoning?! You just don't like because I made it! Well, fine! I'll eat yours, then!" Then Renji took a bite that was twice as large as Byakuya's.

He froze with the chopsticks still in his mouth, as his taste buds simultaneously screamed in agony and then died.

And Renji suddenly remembered why Rukia was always the one who cooked.

…

Even after gulping down water for almost two straight minutes, there was still a nasty aftertaste.

Byakuya watched the proceedings. "Do you still want my portion?"

_Oh, screw you. _

As Renji cleared away the offending dish---er, thing---from the table, it became horribly disconcerting to have Byakuya just standing there without saying anything.

_What the hell? Why's he just standing around? He's usually in his room by this time of night. _

Byakuya was making not a sound, and that was never a good sign. Even though Senbonzakura was nowhere in sight, that steely-eyed gaze still made Renji wary of exposing his vulnerable back.

_Is he really that pissed because I screwed up dinner? Or is it because there's no tea? _Renji thought about it. _Yeah, it's definitely the tea. _

Renji's stomach growled, loudly, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Kuchiki-taichou, I'm going to get takeout from, I don't know, a food stall or something. I'll be back. While I'm gone, go do…whatever you do." Frankly, Renji had no idea what Byakuya did in his leisure time (he had leisure time?). Of course, he had no idea what Byakuya liked to eat, either, but hey, the man was a freeloader, and one who was already stinking rich, at that, so he had no right to be picky.

He was so busy thinking on this stuff that he didn't even hear Byakuya's response. "Wait, what?"

Byakuya's annoyed face---always the kiss of death for any potential enemy---flashed for half a second. "I said that I will accompany you."

"What, you don't trust my taste in food?"

"Quite frankly, no." Before Renji had a chance to retort, Byakuya was already off to his room, presumably to primp himself.

…_damn pretty boy. _

…

Renji sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, his long legs sprawled out in front of him.

About Byakuya being as picky about his appearance as Rukia?

Yeah…no.

He was _worse_.

Renji sighed.

Still waiting.

He 'accidentally' bumped the wall with his elbow.

Still waiting.

He groaned excessively loudly, subtly hinting to the man on the other side of the wall.

Still waiting.

He sprang to his feet. "Kuchiki-taichou! I'm going to die before you get out here! Whether it'll be from hunger or old age, I haven't decided yet!"

Renji did get a response this time. Said response was Byakuya's grand appearance. The man was fully decked out in shihakushou, taichou's haori, and kenseikan. He even had Senbonzakura sheathed at his waist.

"Let us go", said Byakuya.

"But…we're just getting takeout…" Renji muttered.

_Crap…if we go out now, he'll make me look bad, being dressed so professionally. Damn you, Byakuya Kuchiki!!_

"Where are you going?" said Byakuya as Renji bolted suddenly.

"I'll be right back!" Renji ran in his and Rukia's room, slammed the door, stripped naked in (almost) record time, and threw on his shihakushou. He even brought along his zanpaku-to, just because Byakuya had. When he strode back out, Byakuya was right where he'd left him. "All right, let's go."

"Did you remember money?"

"Huh?"

"Doesn't food cost currency? Or am I wrong?"

Renji wasn't sure if they were rhetorical questions, or if the nobleman genuinely wasn't sure.

So finally, outfitted and equipped in full shinigami attire, with money, the two brothers-in-law left on their quest to seek out a food stall/restaurant of some kind and acquire the wares of said establishment.

They walked along through the Seireitei. Renji suggested going to the Rukongai, and got one of Byakuya's trademark 'I can't believe you'd dare to say that to me' looks.

Every time Renji suggested a place, Byakuya flat-out rejected it. Renji was pretty sure Rukia wouldn't like it if her precious nii-sama was murdered, though, so he kept his cool. Attempted murder probably wasn't an option either, unfortunately.

"Kuchiki-taichou, there's less than a week left", said Renji, doing a very bad job of hiding his joy at the sheer wonderfulness of the fact.

"So it would seem", Byakuya replied.

"Well, yeah, so---Kuchiki-taichou?" Renji looked around. What the hell? The Kuchiki head had been alongside him just a moment ago.

He turned around. Byakuya had stopped, and Renji hadn't even noticed (but it was Byakuya's own fault for being stealthy and quiet!).

"Kuchiki-taichou? What are you looking at?"

Byakuya turned his attention to Renji. "I merely thought of something. It is of no consequence."

They were in front of a small restaurant. "What the hell? Let's go in, then. Have you been here before, taichou?"

Renji was surprised when Byakuya replied, "Long ago."

"Do you like it, then? Doesn't seem like your kind of place."

"Not mine", Byakuya replied.

"I've been here with Rukia before", Renji realized when they went inside.

"You have?"

"Yeah, we came here this one time---for lunch, you know---and we were sitting next to each other at the counter, all right? I tried to lean in and kiss her, because girls like that romantic stuff. Even Rukia. But I leaned a little too far forward and missed and grabbed---"

It suddenly occurred to Renji that telling this story to Byakuya Kuchiki was akin to having a 'target practice' sign pointing to him. A Senbonzakura Kageyoshi target practice sign. With Byakuya taking his time. Slowly. While drinking tea.

Renji involuntarily shuddered.

With a quick fake cough he concluded, "Long story short: she punched me. That may have been the reason she stole my clothes the next day and made me run around the Seireitei in nothing but a---" Renji saw the faintest twitch cross Byakuya's face at the memory. "But of course, you'd remember that, since we ended up outside your office. You came out---to tell whoever was making noise to shut up, probably---you took one glance at the, er, _situation_, and went right back in your office. Yeah, I remember that."

Byakuya did too.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Damn, how come no one's come out yet?" Renji muttered, ringing the bell on the front counter. A girl quickly scuttled out of a back room, looking somewhat confused and nearly tripping over her own feet as she came.

"I'm so sorry! It's just that it's kind of late and---" she was saying, but she shut up abruptly as she actually looked at her potential customers. Her face turned about ten shades of red. She blinked, as though to make sure they were really there. "Ku…Ku…Kuchiki-taichou…and Abarai-fukutaichou…" She just stared, starstruck.

"So, what do you have to feed two starving guys?"

"I'm not _starving_", Byakuya murmured.

"He actually is", Renji told the girl, "He's just too prim and proper to admit it. A guy with as much spiritual pressure as him---he's ravenous, trust me."

"Ravenous…" muttered Byakuya, who clearly disliked having such a word applied to him.

The two Division Six officers were seated and served. While the serving girl went to get their food, Renji said, "So how long ago was it that you came here, taichou?"

Byakuya thought about it. "Quite a while ago, over fifty years. Even in our lifetimes, that is not a small span."

"No, I guess not." _Is he talking about, referring to…? _

The serving girl came then, giving them their food and refilling Byakuya's tea. "You're much more talkative than I would have expected, Abarai-fukutaichou."

"It's about his only talent", said Byakuya.

"Now taichou", said Renji as the serving girl left again, giggling, "I thought we were getting along?" Byakuya's indifference and generally relaxed mood made him daring. "I thought you were starting to think of me as a brother."

The look Byakuya gave him said…

Yeah. He'd been too daring.

As in the 'watch your back when you go to sleep or you'll find a zanpaku-to in it' variation of too daring.

"Never mind", said Renij quickly, "It was a joke."

Renji still felt like his life was potentially in danger.

"It was a joke, taichou! A joke! I was kidding!"

Byakuya took a sip of tea, and the atmosphere relaxed again.

Renji paid for them both when they were done. "Say, don't you have a taichou discount?"

"But you're not a taichou anyway, Abarai-fukutaichou."

"I'm as strong as a taichou", Renji replied, "Not to mention just as good-looking. Doesn't that count for anything?"

She giggled. "Sorry. No discounts."

_Damn. I have to pay full price for a guy I don't even like. _

They left. It was a cloudless night, full of stars, and the moon was bright. _Good thing, because it gets dark as shit at night. _

Renji headed home at a leisurely pace, with Byakuya staying a little behind him, just outside the range of his peripheral vision. Byakuya was also very quiet, both in his movements and in regards to his talkativeness. It was easy to forget about his presence. When they first set out, Renji was more than satisfied with this arrangement. Out of sight, out of mind. It was a beautiful night.

Renji Abarai was not one to admire the night, however. He was a man who valued the company over the activity itself. The last time he'd noticed a beautiful night, he'd been with Rukia, and now she'd been replaced with the dullest company ever---her brother.

Damn. Why couldn't there ever be an invasion or catastrophe of some kind when you needed one?

Well, he'd paid for dinner for the (much richer than himself) older brother, and was even bringing him back home, so said older brother at least owed him a conversation.

"Kuchiki-taichou." Renji looked over his shoulder, to make damn sure the addressee was still behind him. He was. "Taichou, I'm curious about something."

No response, but Byakuya was listening.

Renji continued. "What's your impression of me?"

"You are a brazen idiot", Byakuya responded almost immediately.

"Well, aside from that." Byakuya seemed suspicious and wary, and his dark eyes followed Renji as the latter fell back a little to match pace with him. "Never mind, actually. Not sure I want to know. Well, you know…Rukia…"

He'd done it. He'd brought up the Forbidden Subject. There was no going back now.

"What of her?" Byakuya asked. The question was guarded; he was trying to get a feel for the direction this was heading.

"Well, now that I think about it, there wouldn't be any problems between us if it wasn't for Rukia."

"Are you attempting to blame what has transpired on her?"

"No, I was just making an observation. But about Rukia…" Renji knew where he wanted to go with this, what he wanted to communicate, but he couldn't seem to formulate it into coherent words, not with Byakuya Kuchiki beside him. Somehow, his thoughts came out as, "Well, you stole her from me first, you know."

"Excuse me?"

Suddenly the ground seemed infinitely interesting. "Well, you kind of overreacted about the whole 'running off with your sister' thing, don't you think?" _Oh crap, that sounded bad. _"Er, but taichou, we could share her…" _Even though he's not really the sharing sort. _"Well, I mean, you've got to take Rukia into consideration, right? Because, I mean, I want her to be, you know, happy and stuff, and I think you want that too, so, that is, we've got the same thing in mind, don't we? The same goal, that is."

This was one of those times where Renji really wished that Byakuya Kuchiki was a more emotional man, because frankly, he felt he could get more definitive insight by talking to a wall.

"Could we discuss this at another time?"

"What? No! Now's the time to resolve this!"

Byakuya sighed. "Very well. Our first encounter was when you interrupted my meeting with Rukia on the day that I sought to adopt her into the Kuchiki clan. That first impression was…"

"Not in my favor?"

"To put it kindly."

"But haven't I been your fukutaichou long enough for you to understand my true nature?"

"Your true nature is that you are even more a hot-tempered fool than I at first thought", Byakuya snapped. His annoyance was gone as quickly as it had come, and he continued in his normal distant manner, "What good is devotion when you are consistently unreliable?"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" said Renji, who could feel his temper rising.

"I cannot be around her at all times to protect her", said Byakuya, "But you are not strong enough to protect her in my place."

First, Renji was stunned speechless. Then, Renji was offended. And lastly, Renji was pissed.

"'Not strong enough to protect her'? You have no idea how strong I am! But I guess there's no point in discussing this. In _your_ mind, anyone who's not you isn't strong enough, or worthy enough, or, or---whatever! You just don't want to acknowledge anyone as your equal!"

"But in reality, how many _are _my equal?"

Renji had to give the man credit---very few people could piss him off to such a degree in such a short period of time.

"You underestimate Rukia too, taichou. It annoys her that you're always coddling her." Renji knew that an excellent way to irritate Byakuya was to make him think that someone knew Rukia better than himself. "Rukia wants to be strong, and to fight, but you're always hiding her away like a delicate little bird that needs to be kept in its golden cage. But nothing can change the fact that a cage, no matter how pretty, is still a cage!" _It's for her own good that she's away from you. _This was what Renji wanted to say, but he actually thought before he opened his mouth and decided to keep it to himself. The afterlife was long, and he didn't really want to go through the rest of his with Byakuya Kuchiki hating him and attempting to secure a one-way ticket to hell for him.

"It's for her benefit", was Byakuya's dismissive response, "It is one thing to give battle for a worthwhile purpose. It is quite another to be an idiot. _Your_ problem, Abarai, is that you too often blur the distinction between the two." And with that, he made it clear that the conversation was over.

The house was still dark when they got there. _Rukia's not home yet?_ Renji went to the front door, to let them in, and that was when he realized…

He'd forgotten to bring the housekeys with him.

He was locked out.

With Byakuya.

He'd done something completely moronic.

In front of Byakuya.

If there was such a thing as an angel of mercy, then he would already have been struck dead(er) by lightning or something. Either that, or he'd have been given a very large hole to hide in and never, ever come out of.

"I'm weary. I want to go to sleep. Open the door", said Byakuya.

_I could wait for Rukia to get home, but then I'd be stuck out here with him. Maybe I should have given him sake to drink instead of tea. I wonder what he's like wasted? Has he ever even been wasted? _"Taichou."

"What is it?" Byakuya sighed.

"I, uh, kind of forgot the housekeys."

"…"

"So we're kind of locked out of the house."

"…"

"So…"

"Abarai."

"Yeah?"

"I get up very early. I go to Division Six and attempt to manage incompetent fools all day long. I do so much paperwork that my hand is cramping by the end of the day. Tomorrow will be exactly the same. It is late."

"…yeah?"

"_I want to go to sleep_."

Now that Renji looked, he did kind of have bags under his eyes. "What do you---?" Renji was startled when Byakuya suddenly unsheathed Senbonzakura. _Oh, shit, did I piss him off? _

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

The blade shattered into a thousand tiny shards, and sliced the front door into dust. Afterwards, it returned to its original form. Byakuya then sheathed it and walked inside saying, "Problem solved. Goodnight, Abarai."

Renji looked at the remnants of what had previously been his front door and yelled back, "Well, _I_ could have done that!"

* * *

We'll get to Rukia next chapter.

Byakuya always seemed like the sort who would go overboard with mundane things.


	17. Act XVII

This fic is doing really well. I've had good luck with my Bleach fics.

7sodeno shirayuki7: Well, assuming you're still reading, here's the next chapter. ^^

Renji9031: Yes, Byakuya bankai'd the door. And "Destiny Awaits" was playing in the background (I like to think of that as Byakuya's theme music). And his fight against Zommari was very short by Bleach standards, yet somehow very epic (that's just my opinion, of course).

war90: Thank you. :-)

Yukiko of the Snow: Actually, I address Rukia's reaction, since this is one of her chapters. But maybe it's been so long since updates people will have forgotten what happened in previous chapters?

kinomikat: I think that Byakuya and Renji were meant to be foils of one another (assuming Kubo put that much thought into it), so that's why it seems like they don't get along. Read: personality clash.

Juud: Well, I've been thinking about making the whole Byakuya-Hisana-Rukia relationship clear to Renji, but I'm afraid if I time it wrong it might turn out narm-y. I'm still debating whether or not to go more into the Hisana thing.

x pink cloud x: Yeah…but I mean, seriously, think about it. People have to invest some serious time if they want to look that good! That's the lines I was thinking along. And anyway, Byakuya's kind of unapproachable, but he'd be so much more so to someone who took Rukia away. Poor Renji can never get a break, even in canon.

Captain Soi Fon: I'm happy to know that you like my fic so much. I hope that this chapter won't be a disappointment to you.

Charisma B: Well, this fic is somewhat serious sometimes, but fundamentally it's supposed to be comedic, and if it stops being that, then that means I've failed as the writer. This is my longest fic so far and I'm glad to know that I'm still amusing.

.simplicity: I don't think I could stop writing even if I tried. I just lost my desire for fanfiction for a couple of months and focused on original fiction, but I'm in a "writing frenzy" right now. Maybe this fic might even be finished before the year is out. 0.0 (Or not…I don't know…)

Tiwby: Don't worry, I'm continuing. Here you go.

Mistress 0f Dragons: Here's another long one for you. ^^

Well, I know it's been a couple months, but here's the next chappie. I hope it will be as stupidly amusing as its predecessors, and I will try to update soon (I say that every time, but…)

And I was re-reading some earlier chapters and noticed a few mistakes scattered here and there. I wasn't as picky about proofreading back then. I'll correct them sometime soon.

* * *

Rukia and Rangiku met the Kotetsu sisters on their way to the Shinigami Women's Association meeting, so the four of them went together.

After discussing the proposed opening of several new candy stores in the Seireitei and the recent release of the new, limited edition version of the Chappy Soul Candy dispenser , the members of the Shinigami Women's Association arrived at the most important matter of the evening's meeting---the discussion of the next year's calendar.

A couple meetings ago, the members had submitted votes for who should adorn the calendar. Up to twelve names could be submitted for consideration, for the twelve months of the year. Some people had just submitted the same name twelve times. In any case, Nanao was now reading off the twelve names of those who had been condemned---er, chosen.

The only names Rukia cared about, however, were Byakuya Kuchiki-taichou and Renji Abarai-fukutaichou, who both made the cut, as they did every year. Last year, however, Renji had been single. Byakuya was still single, of course, but most women had given up on him and contented themselves with watching him from afar.

Getting nominated for the calendar meant you would be the posterboy for one month. In short, hot guys providing fanservice for girls who would shamelessly worship their sexiness.

The problem at hand was getting the cooperation of the nominees. The various women took all of two seconds to decide who should be in charge of procuring pictures of Byakuya and Renji.

But really, it's not like anyone hasn't already figured out who it is.

"We'll initiate 'Operation Acquire the Pictures' starting at this meeting's conclusion", said Nanao, "Each of the twelve will have a group assigned to them, to increase the chances of success."

"Ooh, I'll help Rukia!" said Rangiku loudly, waving one arm in the air and using the other to keep Rukia pinned in a bone-crushing hug/violent wrestling move.

"Ok, you're with Rukia", said Nanao, "And…Nemu, you help them too. You three together will be assigned to Byakuya Kuchiki and Renji Abarai."

Rukia was getting a sinking feeling…

"I'll help with Hitsugaya-taichou's group too!" said Rangiku, "And Hisagi's, and---"

"As long as you can get the job done, I don't care. Rukia, we'll put you in the group for Ukitake-taichou too, since you're his subordinate."

"Wait, wait!" cried Rangiku, "I have an objection!"

"You do?" said Nanao.

"You do?" said Rukia.

"Yes! As the Division Six fukutaichou, I can only allow this sexualization of my taichou on one condition!"

"We'll put him down for the month of December."

"Deal", Rangiku replied, "No further objections."

Nanao continued, "We'll put Kuchiki-taichou down for January, and Abarai-fukutaichou for August. Is that acceptable to you, Rukia?"

"I guess."

"All right then. We'll gather again in a week. Every group should come pick up a camera, and then you're free to go."

…

"What am I going to do? Why do _I _always get caught up in stupidity like this?" moaned Rukia.

"Because you're the one those two are closest to, obviously!" Rangiku replied, "It's okay, though. With us working as a team, this year, Byakuya Kuchiki will not fail to adorn our calendar!"

Which was the problem. Because Rangiku's ignorance to the concept of personal space + Byakuya's unwillingness = a bad combination.

"We won't fail!" Rangiku was saying, "Right, Nemu?"

"I won't fail", said Nemu, with a determination in her eye that Rukia didn't like. The fact that she had been christened Keeper of the Camera by Rangiku was _not_ a good thing.

"Rukia, shall we go straight to your house? You left the boys home alone together, right?"

_She's going straight for the kill already?!_ "Um, I don't think we should go to my house yet!"

"Rukia. That's where the boytoys are. If they have a problem with what we're doing, then they have no one but themselves to blame!"

"How do you figure?"

"It's their own fault for being so goddamn sexy! If they don't want to draw attention to themselves, then maybe they shouldn't go where women and men of questionable gender preferences can see them!"

"You're making even less sense than usual, Rangiku."

"No, _that_ would be best." Both Rukia and Rangiku looked at Nemu in surprise when she spoke. "If we have to get pictures of both, and they're both in the same place, then we should get pictures of them together."

Somehow, Rukia didn't think either of them would go for that.

Rangiku was smiling, though, which couldn't mean anything good. "Hey, good idea. Byakuya and Renji together, it would be the best-selling calendar _ever_!" Rangiku seemed to remember that Rukia was standing right there and added quickly, "Not that I'd ever buy something like that."

"I would", said Nemu.

"Rukia, you look so depressed", said Rangiku, who seemed genuinely surprised as to why that might be the case, "Tell you what. Let's forget about the boys for now and go get wasted, girls' night out."

"Actually…that sounds good, surprisingly." If she got drunk enough, then maybe she would be able to handle Rangiku and Nemu both.

"Really?" said Rangiku eagerly, "I know a place, Kyoraku and I go there all the time, I think I brought you there once too! Oh…oh, I did! Remember? It was you, and me, and some of the guys. Izuru and Shuuhei got so wasted they thought they were strippers. And Renji thought a broom was Zabimaru and kept attacking the door, which he thought was Byakuya Kuchiki. The sad part is, the door was winning." She wrapped an arm around Rukia's shoulders. "Come on! Let's go!"

"How are we going to find our way home later, though?"

"You don't have to worry about that. Have you ever been drinking with Nemu? I saw her down fifty shots of sake, and the only side effect was that she became openly perverted. Well, and more likely to engage in some form of sexual harrassment. But she doesn't get drunk. She can escort us home."

"Well…okay."

…

Rukia didn't really remember coming home. She just knew that she woke up the next morning with a bad hangover and that her front door was missing. She had no idea how to explain that one, but it was probably Rangiku's fault.

At the present time, Renji was complaining. He did that a lot. "I can't believe that you left me alone with your brother so you could go out _drinking_! We were starving! And---"

Rukia wasn't really paying attention to him.

A bit later in the day, when Rukia was alone in the house, Nemu decided to show up.

She still had the camera (hijacked from the world of the living). "Shall we go ahead and accomplish our objective?"

"Where's Rangiku? She usually loves watching others be humiliated."

"Rangiku Matsumoto is in Division Ten, doing her duties as fukutaichou."

Which meant she was sexually harrassing Toshiro Hitsugaya in some way.

…

After convincing Nemu to let her have the camera for a while, Rukia went to Division Thirteen. She was cornered almost immediately by Kiyone.

"Rukia! Let's go!"

"Uh---"

"Let's go get some pictures of Ukitake-taichou!"

"Uh---"

"That jerk Sentaro isn't around, so this is the perfect opportunity!"

"Uh---"

"Any questions?!"

"Um…no, none at all."

"Good! I leave this to you, then", said Kiyone, thrusting a camera in Rukia's arm. And then she was gone before Rukia could even manage a "What the hell?"

_I thought we were in this together. So much for that._ As she prowled Division Thirteen, though, it occurred to her that being abandoned might not be such a bad thing. Maybe without Kiyone around she wouldn't feel so much like some kind of sexual predator.

So then, when she finally did find Juushiro Ukitake, why was it that when he gave her that amicable smile she felt like such a traitor?

"Nice day, eh, Rukia?" he said in greeting.

Maybe she should just leave him to the others…

A horrible image came to mind of Ukitake in the clutches of a horde of crazed females in a very disturbing bondage-esque situation.

No. Once the pictures were taken Ukitake-taichou would be left alone (hopefully).

She could only hope it would work.

"Ukitake-taichou, do you think you could do a favor for me?"

"What is it?"

She held up the camera. "I need some, uh, pictures. Of you." She was too embarrassed of the truth, so she tried to come up with something quickly. "You're a shinigami taichou! A leader of the Seireitei, one of the most notable individuals in Soul Society! But people distrust leaders they don't see. The common people should know the faces of the Gotei 13 taichous. I need your picture, taichou. It's for the sake of helping the people of Soul Society to build trust towards their leaders."

Juushiro Ukitake had never been one to question the illogical, and he wasn't about to start now. "Ok."

"Thank you, taichou. All of Soul Society thanks you."

One down, eleven to go.

…

Rukia went to Division Eight headquarters as soon as she possibly could. The sooner she handed the camera and pictures into Nanao's safekeeping, the sooner Ukitake would be safe.

"Are those good enough?" asked Rukia, as Nanao was reviewing the pictures.

"They'll do. Good work, Rukia." Nanao had made a chart with each of the twelve names. She put an X through Juushiro Ukitake. "You're the first, Rukia. As you can see."

"How's everyone else doing?" If there had been any sightings of baboon or cherry blossom-esque bankais, Nanao would know.

"There was a bit of trouble with Hitsugaya-taichou this morning. Apparently, when he got in the bath, he found a camera."

That reeked of Rangiku. "Anything else?"

"No, not that I've heard."

So Byakuya and Renji hadn't been harrassed. Yet.

…

Being forthright about the matter had worked with Ukitake-taichou, so Rukia was hoping that the same strategy might be successful again.

In Division Six headquarters, everyone knew who she was and asked which she was looking for, the taichou or the fukutaichou. Said fukutaichou happened upon her coincidentally, and jumped like a child caught stealing candy.

"Rukia, wha---what are you doing over here?! We're busy! We're not available at your beck and call!"

"How arrogant! You assume I came here for _you_? You're as big of an idiot as ever, I see!" When he didn't say anything, she added, "Score four thousand three hundred sixty-six for me, zero for you."

"What?! That's a lie!"

"You're calling me a liar?"

"Well, I'm sure as hell not calling you a truther!"

"That's not even a real word!"

"How do you know? Have you ever tried to look it up in a dictionary?"

"I can't look up a word that doesn't exist!"

"Well…maybe it _should_ be a word!"

"But it isn't. So, Renji. I need you to do something for me."

"Why should I, when you're always making me look like an idiot?"

"You do that on your own", Rukia replied, "And believe me, you'd rather have me do this than Rangiku, or Nemu."

He was giving her weird looks now, so she told him straight.

"Shit, I'm being stalked _again_?"

"It's not stalking! It's…uh…appreciation of the other gender!"

"Still sounds like stalking to me."

"Well it's _not_", Rukia replied defensively, "It's not like I'm making you get naked!"

"Of course not. You want to keep _that_ for yourself."

The pictures were delayed for a few minutes, as Renji came down with a sudden case of fist-in-face. Rukia was impatient. "Oh, come on. You can still fight after getting nii-sama's bankai but you can't handle _that_?"

"Shut up! This is nothing! That's all you want, is a couple stupid pictures? Then you'll leave?"

"Yeah."

"Fine. But no weird poses."

Two down, ten to go.

…

When Rukia went to Division Eight headquarters for a second time that day, she was surprised to find Rangiku there. She knew it was Rangiku because the sing-song shout of "Oh, Rukiaaaaa! It's me, Rangiku!" was kind of a dead giveaway.

Rangiku grabbed Rukia's head in the crook of her elbow in a greeting hug between friends that was eerily reminiscent of a violent assault. "So I heard you were the first to corner some prey."

"I wouldn't call it---"

Rangiku bowled right over her. "And here I wanted to be the first to submit some pictures, but my taichou isn't cooperating."

"You put a camera in his bath!" Rukia replied, prying herself free.

Rangiku stared at her blankly, completely failing to understand the problem.

"That's a violation of privacy", Rukia elaborated.

"Well, he violates _my_ privacy all the time", said Rangiku, "Every day he stares at my breasts. He's like a lecherous old man, but in chibi form!"

Rukia tried to explain the situation in as delicate a way as possible. "Well, people can't help but notice that certain parts of your body are very…healthy." _And possibly lethal weapons. _

"Well, but men like that, don't they?"

"Yes, I suppose."

"I guess you wouldn't really understand, though", said Rangiku, "Of having men ogle at you, since you're fla---"

"I'm proportional!" snapped Rukia, "Besides, there's nothing wrong with being---"

"---undersized?"

"I am not!"

Rangiku patted Rukia on the head. "I was just kidding around. I had no idea you were so sensitive about it."

"I'm not", Rukia muttered. What female _wouldn't_ feel self-conscious with Rangiku in the vicinity?

"I have Izuru pictures", said Rangiku, "Who do you have?"

"Renji."

"Let me see", said Rangiku, snatching the camera out of Rukia's hands. A few moments later, she returned it, saying, "I would have expected better."

"What do you mean? What's wrong with them?"

"Renji still has all his clothes on."

"What kind of calendar are you trying to turn this into?!"

Nanao didn't have a problem with Rukia's pictures, though. "If only she could get some pictures of her darling nii-sama stripped, eh?" Rangiku was saying, "It will have been something never before witnessed in any prior calendar. Half the Soul Society would buy it for that reason alone. The female half. Although, some of the guys around here you really have to wonder about…"

"Kuchiki-taichou?" Nanao quickly adjusted her glasses and cleared her throat. "Rukia, we're counting on you!"

_Yeah…never gonna happen._ She knew getting Byakuya's cooperation for something like this was damn near impossible. What the other two women were expecting of her was beyond the impossible.

But Byakuya wasn't that unreasonable, was he?

Yes. Yes he was.

But stubborn pride aside, he was still open to discussion…

No. No he wasn't.

But maybe he'd be accepting of just _one_ picture---

No. Just no.

They'd definitely have to use one of the alternates to fill his place on the calendar (yet again).

She felt a bit depressed as she left Division Eight. Meanwhile, Rangiku walked alongside, seemingly oblivious, chatting away about lewd things and throwing around double entendres with every other word out of her mouth. It was worse because she was currently talking this way about Toshiro.

"---and after that I'd squeeze his---"

Rukia tried to ignore her, to prevent certain psychological trauma.

The next morning…

Dealing with rabid female shinigami was more tiring than dealing with Byakuya, Renji, and Ichigo all at the same time, and Rukia had not thought that possible.

Male and female, tall and short, ugly and pretty---did every person in her life spend their free time conspiring new ways to be a pain in the ass?

She left to report in to Division Thirteen, passing through her new front door. Renji, in a fit of manly gallantry, had insisted on fixing it himself. He hadn't done a very good job and had cursed out the tools for five minutes straight after he'd accidentally hit his own thumb with a hammer. But hey, it served its function. Rukia had never been picky about how pretty her front door looked, so long as it opened and closed.

Rangiku accompanied her for part of the way. "So, shall we ambush your brother when he comes home today?"

"On the stupidity scale, I would say that idea ranks over nine thousand."

Silence.

"So, hey, listen, you want to buy a video?"

"What kind of video?"

"I call it 'Hitsugaya-taichou in the bath'. There's the edited version and the X-rated version. Plus, if you pay extra, you can get a video player to use it with, new out of the world of the living."

"And what are you going to do when your taichou figures out what you're doing?"

"He can't trace anything back to me", Rangiku replied defensively, "He can prove nothing. _Nothing_!!"

Silence.

"But seriously, are you interested in buying one?"

* * *

Anyone who tried to apply logic to Bleach would cause their brains to implode. Rangiku's a shotacon. And I don't even want to know how anything I said in this chapter could be used to explain away ecchi or hentai.

Also, there's apparently a feature that allows you to reply directly to reviews. I didn't know that! I learn something new every day, I guess. So then maybe I shouldn't post review responses at the beginning of the next chapter anymore?


	18. Act XVIII

Yukiko of the Snow: I didn't exactly update 'soon'. But you forgive me, right?

Renji9031: Ulquiorra v. Hichigo...they've finally gotten to that part in the anime. In this week's past episode Ulquiorra finally released. I can excuse the fact that he looks like he's wearing a dress just because that moment was so freaking epic. I think I'm in love with the soundtrack that was playing after he released. XD Anyway, enough of my fangirling. Here's an update.

xxxShi. ro. : I love Byakuya too. Currently he and Ulquiorra are battling it out for the title of my favorite Bleach character. :P

Juud: Well, it's good to hear that my writing's gotten better since I started. Improving your storytelling ability is kind of the point of writing fanfics, in my opinion.

Anyway, it's been months and months. But a late update is still better than none at all, right? I have no intention of abandoning this fic, especially since we're so close to the end.

* * *

Why did it have to be like this? Why did he _always_ have to get screwed over like this?

"Please, Renji. You're around him during the day", Rukia was saying, "Between the two of us we should be able to keep control of the situation."

Why was it that to make Rukia happy, he had to help Byakuya Kuchiki, too?

"All right, whatever", Renji sighed, "But how long will I have to do this?"

"Only for a short time", Rukia reassured him, "I promise." She had a determined look on her face.

"All right, all right", muttered Renji, "But I'm counting on you, Rukia."

Rukia's mission---to collect pictures for the Shinigami Women's Association yearly calendar. Her fear: that her brother Byakuya would be hounded by fangirls. Her goal: to get a picture of him quickly so that he would be left alone.

Renji's mission---to help ward off the fangirls and keep them away from Byakuya. His fear: that they would start targeting him instead. His goal: to get this whole thing over with as quickly as possible.

They were both in this together.

Truthfully, Renji had been a bit surprised when Rukia had come to him for help on this matter. Normally what happened at Shinigami Women's Association meetings stayed at Shinigami Women's Association meetings. Renji didn't ask questions and Rukia didn't offer answers.

After establishing their battle plan, the two went to report in for the day at their respective divisions.

Renji kept a watchful vigil throughout the day. He had yet to notice anything particularly suspicious…well, except for Rangiku hiding in a storage room in Division Six headquarters…

Wait, what?

"Rangiku? What the hell are you doing in there?"

"How rude. Why are you making such a fuss? I'm not hurting anyone."

Well, technically she was right, but that didn't mean Renji wanted her lingering about. Rangiku Matsumoto was, after all, one of the ones Rukia had warned him to watch out for.

"You're Division Ten's fukutaichou. There are plenty of storage rooms over there." He stood and waited until she got out.

"Fine, but you should know that anything that happens is your fault." And then she was gone with a shunpo.

Renji was more vigilant now, and made sure to keep within eyesight of Byakuya's office from then on.

"Abarai-fukutaichou", said someone later in the morning, "If you want to talk to Kuchiki-taichou, shouldn't you just knock?"

The speaker was one of those Division Four flunkies. He had been sweeping the hallway in front of Byakuya's office. Renji recognized the guy, now that he looked. It was the kid who had helped Ichigo and the other ryoka when they had invaded the Soul Society. His name was…well, it was something. Renji hadn't even noticed him there.

"What? What makes you think I'd _want_ to talk to him?"

"Well", the darker-haired shinigami replied, "You've been pacing in front of Kuchiki-taichou's door for the past twenty minutes."

"I have not. How would you know, anyway?"

"Because I've been sweeping this hallway, sir. And I haven't been able to finish because you're standing in the way, so it's kind of hard to not notice you're there…"

"Oh. Sorry." Renji took a few steps back. The kid went back to his sweeping. "You're from Division Four, aren't you? What's your name?"

"Hanataro Yamada. I'm honored that you would ask for it, Abarai-fukutaichou."

"Yeah, yeah. Do you think you're impressing me by sucking up to me?"

"That wasn't my intention, sir…I didn't mean to offend you…"

"And quit being so meek! It's pissing me off!"

"I don't know if you should be yelling, sir, we're right in front of Kuchiki-taichou's office door…he doesn't like to be disturbed…"

"Don't tell me what he does and doesn't like. I know Kuchiki-taichou better than anyone else here!"

"But there are only two of us here."

"Stop getting caught up in the details, Yamada. I was talking in a general sense."

"A general sense?" said Hanataro, "Oh, well how general?"

"What the hell do you mean, 'how general'?"

"Well", Hanataro replied, "I mean, general could be referring to just us two. Or to Division Six. Or to the Gotei 13. Or to the Soul Society. Or to both the world of the living and the Soul Society. Well, of course, I guess it's only fair to throw in Hueco Mundo…"

"Dammit, stop trying to confuse me! I meant general in a general sense."

"But", said Hanataro, with that deadly serious face of his, "How general is general?"

And with that innocently asked question, Renji Abarai found himself stumped. "Why the hell are you asking _me_? Shouldn't you know?"

"Well, but you're a fukutaichou, so you would know better than me."

A few awkward moments passed, with Hanataro earnestly awaiting an answer and Renji waiting for the gods to send down some random event to end this conversation. The gods, however, were apparently off drinking sake somewhere and completely ignoring Renji's misfortune. That was about all they ever did, though, so Renji wasn't terribly surprised.

"Shouldn't you be sweeping?" he said in his harshest tone of voice, "Why are you standing around asking stupid questions?"

"Oh, sorry sir!" replied Hanataro frantically, nearly dropping his broom. He actually did end up dropping it, and picked it back up in a frenzy, all while spluttering, "So sorry, I didn't mean to disturb your work, sir…"

"What are you talking---?" Renji didn't finish the question, because the answer had just occurred to him. "It's Kuchiki-taichou, isn't it?"

Hanataro nodded.

Now that he realized it, Renji could feel his taichou's spiritual pressure behind him. "Tell me", said Byakuya coolly, "Is there any particular reason you're carrying on right outside my door?"

"Well", said Renji, turning to face him, "That wasn't intentional."

"What are you doing?" queried Byakuya.

"Well…"

"He was pacing like an expectant father", offered Hanataro unhelpfully.

A moment of silence. Then: "Get back to your duties, Abarai." And Byakuya went back into his office, leaving Renji and Hanataro alone in the hallway again.

"Get back to your duties, Yamada", Renji muttered, "I still see dirt on the floor."

…

Renji had returned to that same hallway after lunch, and was there that afternoon when someone called "Abarai!" Renji was surprised to see that he was being addressed by Toshiro Hitsugaya.

"Um, yes? Hitsugaya-taichou?"

Now, Toshiro Hitsugaya wasn't one for socializing. Short of stature and shorter of patience, he was quite possibly the only taichou who was more of a work-a-holic than Byakuya Kuchiki. Both Renji and Rangiku had gotten lucky in that regard---having such uptight, by-the-book taichous meant that the two of them got away with doing much less work than fukutaichous normally did.

Unlike Byakuya Kuchiki, though, Toshiro was much more impulsive, in spite of his efforts to act cool and unaffected. If there was any hint of an enemy, the little guy always wanted to get in on it somehow. Sheesh, he was always whipping out his bankai for every little thing…well, admittedly, Renji himself wasn't much better about that…but hey, it was _bankai_, if he acted impressively enough with it, it would increase his chances of being promoted to taichou in the future. After all, the positions left open by the three traitors had yet to be officially filled…

"Abarai, have you seen Matsumoto around here?"

"Oh, she's trying to get out of doing paperwork _again_?" _Well, that explains why she was hiding out here. _"Yeah, I saw her earlier."

Toshiro seized on the information. "Where at? Is she still here?"

"I don't think so. She was hiding in a storage room so I sent her on her way."

"I see. Well, have you seen anyone carrying around suspicious videos?"

_Suspicious videos? What the hell's he talking about?_ "I haven't noticed anything like that."

"Oh. Well, keep an eye out, Abarai. If you see any copies of this video, confiscate them and bring them to me. And if you see Matsumoto again, be sure to inform me."

"Uh, sure. I will."

"Right. That will be all. You may return to your duties now, Abarai." Then Toshiro was gone with a shunpo like Rangiku before him.

_Weird…_

…

When Rukia was relieved for the day, she came over to Division Six headquarters.

"If you want to see nii-sama, why don't you just knock?"

"I _don't_ want to see him", Renji replied. Why was it even necessary to explain this?

"Then…why are you standing in front of his office door?"

"I'm being vigilant."

"About what?"

"No one will get him by going through this door."

"What? I told you to keep an eye out, not to be his bodyguard! If you make yourself obvious they'll find different ways. They could have come in through his window."

_I never even thought of that! _"He _has_ been awfully quiet in there. Maybe one of his fangirls did get him." The thought was actually kind of interesting.

"Well, go in and check on him."

"_You_ go in and check on him. He won't get all pissy with _you_."

"We'll give him thirty minutes", said Rukia. And so the two shinigami sat down in the hallway together and waited. They talked quietly, so as not to call Byakuya's wrath on them in case he really was in his office.

"Hey Rukia", said Renji, "Have you seen Rangiku at all today?"

"No, I haven't. I did see Hitsugaya-taichou out looking for her, though. I guess she's been trying to ditch on paperwork again."

"Yeah, I saw Hitsugaya today, too. He was asking if I'd seen anyone carrying around any suspicious videos."

"Er…suspicious videos?" Rukia suddenly seemed anxious.

"Do you know anything about it?"

"Of course not", Rukia replied quickly. Too quickly, in fact, but Renji decided to let it lie.

Byakuya emerged from his lair within the requisitioned timeframe. "Why are you two sitting in the hallway?" was the first thing out of his mouth.

"We were waiting for you to get done for the day, nii-sama", said Rukia.

"Why? It is unusual for you to wait on me to finish my duties."

"Well, nii-sama, it's because I'm concerned about you."

Byakuya didn't look convinced. "Why is he out here as well?" 'He' being Renji, of course.

"Well, he's concerned about you too!"

Byakuya definitely wasn't convinced of that one.

"What's so unbelievable about it?" said Rukia indignantly, "He _is_ your fukutaichou. Of course a subordinate will be concerned about a superior!"

Both Byakuya and Renji gave her doubtful looks.

Rukia seemed to realize that her attempts at persuasion were failing on an epic scale. "All right, let's just go home already."

The three of them left Division Six headquarters together, with Rukia walking next to Byakuya and Renji trailing a little bit behind.

"So how was your day today, nii-sama?" Rukia was saying, "Renji hasn't been slacking off, has he?"

"He's always slacking off", said Byakuya, "But I am so accustomed to it by now that I scarcely notice it."

"Now wait a minute, it's not my problem that you decide to do most of the work yourself", Renji protested, "There isn't much for me to do!"

"Did it ever occur to you that perhaps I don't trust you with any important matters because you're incompetent?"

_Stupid bastard, always trying to make me look bad in front of Rukia. _"How would you know? You never even give me a chance to prove myself."

"Very well."

"You---huh?"

"Since you are so insistent upon it, I'll give you more work to do from now on. I'm not one to ignore my subordinate's wishes."

"Er…but…" _Wow, I really walked into that one, didn't I? _

…

True to his word, Byakuya gave Renji more work than usual the next day.

Almost as soon as Renji reported in, he was handed a stack of paperwork. "These need to be delivered to the other divisions", said Byakuya, "I have already organized them according to which division they are to go to. Do try not to mess up."

The first stop, naturally, was Division One, where Yamamoto held him up for a while by rambling on about something or other. Before Renji was given leave to depart, the senile old geezer brought up one final matter.

"Hitsugaya-taichou has submitted a request that he would like to be forwarded to all divisions of the Gotei 13. Please bring this back to Kuchiki-taichou." Yamamoto handed him a sheet of paper.

Renji put it on the bottom of the pile. "Yes, understood, sir."

The next stop was Division Two. Much to Renji's dismay, Soi Fon happened to be there at the time he showed up. After a few minutes of verbal abuse, he was able to hand off the paperwork. Before he could flee, however, Soi Fon gave him a message to pass on as well. "Division Four's headquarters are just a short distance away. Since you have to go in that direction anyway, deliver this to Unohana."

Renji couldn't very well turn down a taichou, and definitely not this one. To the bottom of the pile the message went.

Division Three had no official taichou, so it was Izuru who accepted all the paperwork for that division. Izuru's face fell when he saw that he now had even more papers to sort through.

In Division Four Renji gave Unohana the papers from Division Six as well as the message from Soi Fon. She had two messages of her own to pass on, one for Byakuya and one for Nanao of Division Eight. They both went to the bottom. _I feel like a damn delivery boy. _

Momo was nowhere to be found at Division Five, so he just left the paperwork on her desk. She still used the fukutaichou's office. No one had used the taichou's office since Aizen's betrayal. It remained untouched, everything sitting exactly as he had left it, as though he might return at any moment.

Tetsuzaemon was at Division Seven to take the paperwork for Komamura. The stack was getting smaller now. It was getting close to lunch. Renji was planning on slipping off to eat before returning to Division Six, to keep Byakuya from sidelining him with more work.

Kyoraku, unsurprisingly, was nowhere to be found in Division Eight, so Renji just passed everything off to Nanao, including Unohana's message. Nanao had two messages of her own to pass on, one for Yachiru of Division Eleven and one for…Rukia? Renji's curiosity was instantly piqued. It was a bit strange for a fukutaichou to be sending out a message to an unseated shinigami of another division.

Of course, he had done that himself, so he probably didn't have room to criticize. Hell butterflies were only used for urgent matters. For everyday things the shinigami simply went to each other's divisions. When Renji and Rukia had been dating, this very same method---of passing on messages through whichever shinigami happened by---had been how he delivered love letters to her. He couldn't deliver them himself without arousing Byakuya's suspicion, and it was the best way to ensure that the letters would actually reach Rukia instead of ending up in her nii-sama's hands. Renji was pretty sure that people had read them before they ever reached Rukia, though, because it hadn't taken very long at all for the secret courtship to become not-so-secret. Everyone in the Seireitei had known---everyone, that is, except for Byakuya. People had been quite careful never to mention it when he was near, probably because no one wanted to be the unfortunate individual to tell him and risk getting a taste of his wrath. Rukia and Renji had even been married in secret, but Rukia's guilty conscience had caught up with her. When she decided to come clean and the truth finally came out, well…it had put quite a damper in Byakuya's day, to say the least.

Then again, that would explain why he had been so pissed. Renji knew he'd probably gone about things the wrong way, but hell, this was _Byakuya_ he'd been dealing with. Any man who came within fifty feet of Rukia risked getting some first-hand experience with Senbonzakura. _It's not my fault he's so damn overprotective._

Renji found Shuuhei at Division Nine. Of the three 'proxy' taichous, Shuuhei was by far the most efficient. He essentially was a taichou in everything but name, on top of carrying out the fukutaichou duties. He was all business, taking the papers and setting them on a stack of things to be reviewed. He didn't even have time to talk.

Division Ten was not quite as depressing. As expected, Toshiro was there. "Have you seen Matsumoto around today?"

"No, sir. She's ditching again today?"

"She never reported in to begin with", Toshiro replied.

"Oh, well, she's probably getting wasted somewhere."

"I don't think that's the case this time. She's avoiding my reprimand."

"What did she do this time?"

"She's responsible for spreading a certain video around the Seireitei."

"The same video that needs to be confiscated if I come across a copy?"

"Yes, the very same."

"I don't understand, sir. What's so special about it?"

"It contains highly-sensitive material", said Toshiro tersely, "_Highly_ sensitive. Enough people have seen what's on it as it is. This is my responsibility. I am doing everything possible to limit the number of people who see it."

"I had no idea it was that serious."

"It's _extremely_ serious."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I haven't seen any copies of this video around."

"Unsurprising. People are not going to flaunt such a thing where the casual observer can see it. That's part of the reason I've been having such trouble tracking down the copies."

"I'll keep a look out for them nevertheless."

"And for Matsumoto", Toshiro added.

"Yeah, I'll watch out for her, too." _What the hell could be on that video? _

The most surprising discovery of the day was finding Kenpachi in Division Eleven headquarters, not engaged in combat of any kind. Yachiru was with him, as usual, and Renji handed her the message from Nanao. She didn't even read it.

"How come Byakushi hasn't been at his house?"

_Byakushi? I'll have to remember to make fun of him for that later. _"Well, he's been staying at my house."

Yachiru just blinked. "Why?"

"Because he has such a big brother complex that it physically pains him to have Rukia out of his sight for too long."

"Well, that's okay, I guess", Yachiru replied, "Byakushi gets lonely in his big house sometimes. That's why I go to see him. He likes it when I come see him. He always has sweets waiting."

_That's because that's the only way to get rid of you. _"You're right, Yachiru. He's been very lonely without you around."

"He has?"

"Yes, _very_ lonely. You should go to Division Six headquarters and cheer him up."

"I should?"

"He has candy."

That was all Yachiru needed to hear. "I'll be back in a while, Ken-chan! I'm going to go see Byakushi!" And she sped off, leaving Renji and Kenpachi alone.

"So", said Kenpachi, "While you're here, why don't we have a little sparring match?"

Renji left almost as quickly as Yachiru.

In Division Twelve, Renji found himself with a golden opportunity. Nemu had gone to bring the paperwork Renji had given her to her taichou. And on her desk was sitting a video, labeled 'Hitsugaya-taichou in the bath'. It was such a strange title, it couldn't be anything but a codename. _That must be the suspicious video! _He only had a narrow window of time. _Well, who am I to refuse a taichou's order? _He stashed the video and hurried out of Division Twelve before it would be missed.

There was only one more division to visit. Renji wasn't sure how long it would take Byakuya to get rid of Yachiru, but at least he'd bought himself some time before he would be missed.

Ukitake was apparently feeling under the weather that day, so Renji had to leave the paperwork with Kiyone and Sentaro.

"Oh, is that for Ukitake-taichou?" said Kiyone, "Why thank you, I'll take it to him."

"_You_? You'd probably lose it before you ever got there", said Sentaro.

"Oh, go bury yourself in a garden somewhere!"

"You---"

"I've got a better idea", Renji interjected before they could get into it, "I'll give the paperwork to whoever can get me a video player."

Both of them immediately jumped on the task. "I have one! I have one sitting right in my quarters!" said Kiyone.

"Well", said Sentaro, "I don't have one right now, but I could get one! And it would be much better than hers!"

Kiyone was the winner of the hour, however. Apparently a video player was a fair trade for one-upping Sentaro.

So now Renji had both the mysterious video and a means with which to watch it. Since he was already here in Division Thirteen, however, there was something else he wanted to do first.

He had to wait a few minutes for her to finish up what she was doing, but after that short time, he gave her Nanao's message, and then they ate lunch together outside under the blue sky.

"It's surprising to see you in Division Thirteen", said Rukia.

"Yeah, well, it just kind of happened." He watched as Rukia unpacked her lunch and set each food item on the bench they were sitting on. _Damn I'm hungry_. His stomach growled loudly.

"I thought you said you wanted to eat lunch together", said Rukia.

"I do."

"Where's your lunch, then?"

"Back in Division Six."

"Why didn't you bring it with you?"

"I left early this morning. I didn't think of it."

"Well, why don't you go back and get it? I'll wait for you."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Was she really that clueless? Did she really not understand? "My beloved brother-in-law will probably stick me with more work as soon as I go back there."

"You make him sound like a jerk."

"Well…"

"Come on, he's not _that_ bad." She had started eating an onigiri. "You should try talking out your problems with him."

"He's not really much of a talker."

"I know, I know. But you shouldn't let that intimidate you. He's just a person, in the end."

"He doesn't intimidate me", Renji replied defensively, "How am I supposed to---huh?" Rukia was offering him an onigiri.

"I have two, you know."

Even though Renji was glad that she could be so generous, he felt like an ass for making her give up part of her lunch. "You keep it. It's yours."

"And I'm giving it to you."

"I don't want it."

"What?! How rude! When someone offers you something, you take it!"

"I don't like you giving up your food because you feel sorry for me."

"That's idiotic! Is that some stupid male code of honor or something? 'If there's not enough food for both, let the woman eat and you go hungry'?" She put the onigiri in his hand. "Fool. If there's not enough food for both, you share, and both will be somewhat full and somewhat hungry."

Renji took a bite. "Are you happy now?" he muttered.

"Yes", Rukia replied, "Yes I am. But you have to give me one of the onigiri I packed in _your_ lunch later. It'll be your penalty for being a wimp."

"How am I a wimp?"

"Oh, come on. You're willing to skip lunch because you're afraid nii-sama might give you a little paperwork? That is so silly."

He looked away from her. "Yeah, well, it's not like you'd understand."

"Why are you all irritated now? Because I insulted your machoness? Oh, come on. We both know that if it came down to a battle of fists you'd most likely beat him."

_Beat him? So she does think I could beat Byakuya Kuchiki at something? _"But wait, why do you say 'most likely'?"

"Well, you have to account for nii-sama's natural cunning."

_Fair enough._ "So, you two seem to be on good terms again. I guess that's good."

"You really think so?" She sounded kind of surprised.

"Well, I know it bothered you. That you two were on the outs because of…" He let the sentence trail off, not wanting to finish it. Some things didn't necessarily need to be said aloud.

"But you two still don't get along very well."

"I think that's just how it is, though. We're always going to clash. Don't worry about it."

She seemed like something was bothering her. "He's going to leave in a few days, though."

"And thank the gods for that. We'll just have to keep the house locked up at all times from now on."

"He has a key to the house."

"Well, then we're definitely changing all the locks as soon as he leaves."

"I don't think something flimsy like a building will hold him off."

"We'll move to some corner of Rukongai and won't give him our new address."

"That might be a little extreme, don't you think?"

"Okay, fine. We'll send him a card every year at his birthday."

"Oh, Renji, you don't really want to go through this process all over again, do you? How do you think we ended up with our present situation?"

"Because you started exchanging letters with him." It was merely a statement of fact, not meant to be accusing, but clearly Rukia took it that way.

"What did you expect me to do?" she said testily, "Just never talk to him again?"

"Of course not", Renji replied, "Look, I think it's good that you two have reconciled. You want to go skipping through a meadow with him picking flowers? Fine, whatever makes you happy. I just don't necessarily want him staying at our house again."

"Oh, but you hardly notice he's there."

"Maybe _you_ don't, but you're used to living with him. He's way too picky. He always hogs up the bath in the evening. He's always making snarky little comments whenever he gets the chance. He's always so prim and proper and making me look bad. I feel like I can't even do anything in my own house without him giving me one of his disapproving looks. You'd think his face would freeze that way after a while, because he disapproves of _everything_. No matter how much time passes or what I do, he is never going to approve of me for his darling Rukia. I mean, damn, is he supposed to be my brother-in-law or my mother-in-law?"

"Well, admittedly, he can be a bit overprotective sometimes."

"_Sometimes?_"

"Most of the time", Rukia amended, "But I don't think he's completely aware that he's being that way."

"You mean like a subconscious thing?"

"Yeah, maybe. Oh, and by the way, I've been wondering", said Rukia, "Why are you carrying that around?" She pointed at the video player.

"Oh, that? Well, you see, there's this video I've been hearing about that's been circulating around the Seireitei for the past couple days. It seems to be a big hush-hush thing."

"Uh-huh", said Rukia (did she sound a bit wary, or was he just imagining that?), "What sort of video is it?"

Renji pulled out the copy he had snatched from Division Twelve. "I think it has sensitive information or something. I know that because the title is so ridiculous that it has to be a codename."

"What's the title?" asked Rukia curiously.

"'Hitsugaya-taichou in the bath'."

Rukia nearly choked. And then suddenly she was all over him trying to snatch it out of his hand. "You have to give me that!"

"Why? Do you know what's on it?" Renji used one hand to hold her back and the other to hold the video out of her reach. She tried to grab for it, but alas, Renji's reach happened to be longer than hers.

It didn't take Rukia long to figure this out, so she decided to try a different approach. "Come on, Renji, you don't want to see what's on there anyway."

"How do I know I don't want to see it if I don't know what's on it?"

"No, trust me, you _really_ don't want to see it."

One-handed, Renji popped open the video player and put the video in. It started to play.

After a time of complete silence, Rukia said, "I told you that you wouldn't want to see it." She shut the video off.

It was like Renji had snapped out of a stupor. "What the hell…?"

"Well, it's exactly what the label says."

"Rukia. Rukia, you don't actually watch stuff like that, do you?"

"Of course not."

"You're not lying, are you?"

"Why do you think I'm lying? Look, it has nothing to do with me. Rangiku is the one who made that video."

"Rangiku did?" Suddenly a lot of things made sense. "Well, that explains a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"It's nothing", said Renji, "I'm going back to Division Ten to give this to Hitsugaya." He stood. "See you later, Rukia."

"Don't forget that you owe me an onigiri."

"Yeah, yeah…"

…

After making a detour to Division Ten, Renji finally returned to Division Six. As he went towards the headquarters, a familiar pink-haired shinigami came towards him.

"You lied, Pineapple-chan! Byakushi didn't have any candy!" Yachiru complained, "So I got pictures of him instead." She held up a fistful of photographs. "I'm going to sell them and buy candy."

_Pictures? But Byakuya hates having his picture taken. _Then Renji remembered that this was Yachiru, after all. _What the hell did she do to him?! _Now that he thought about it, maybe unleashing Yachiru on the Kuchiki head had been a little harsh. _He might never be the same man again! _And granted, Byakuya Kuchiki in his current form was cold and prideful. _But still, I've gotten used to him. _

Renji burst into Byakuya's office in a dramatic fashion, like a knight come to save the captive princess. "Kuchiki-taichou, I'm here!"

The office was empty.

_Not a trace of him. She must have forcibly removed him from the room. But there are no signs of a struggle. _Senbonzakura was sitting on his desk. _He never even unsheathed Senbonzakura. She must have gotten him from behind, before he even knew what was coming. But where could she have hidden the body? _

"Abarai."

_Hey, wait a minute, I know that voice. _

"What are you doing?" It was Byakuya, standing in the doorway. He looked the same as usual.

"You mean you're actually all right? Nothing happened to you?"

Byakuya didn't even answer. He just gave Renji a condescending 'why-are-you-so-stupid' look.

And suddenly, Renji felt very, very awkward. "I'll just be going now. Pretend like this never happened."

Byakuya seemed content to do just that. "Abarai, I have an errand for you."

"Er, what is it, Kuchiki-taichou?"

"I need you to go buy several bags of candy, in case of emergencies."

* * *

Next chapter will be Byakuya's POV.


	19. Act XIX

Muhahahaha! It lives! Lives, I tell you!

This chapter was hard to write, the hardest yet. So hard, in fact, that after three different attempts I gave up on it, buried it in the abyss of random papers and forgot about it. Well, a couple weeks ago I decided to try and organize my crap somewhat and put all my fanfiction together in one binder instead of randomly mixed together with other papers. And while I was doing that, I unearthed the several different attempts I'd made at writing Chapter 19.

I've known for a long time where I was going with this fic. It's just been a matter of getting there, and I figured out how to do it. It's not been kind to update after so long, but better late than never (although, I'd be surprised if anyone who was reading before even goes on this site anymore :D). So here you go. I'm pretty satisfied and I hope you all are too.

* * *

Rukia, for some reason he couldn't comprehend, seemed to be drawn to the rash, daring type.

This type was thoughtless, had absolutely no regard for consequences, defied the status quo, and usually died pointlessly at a young age. And if they didn't die, they were horribly injured because they picked fights without thinking. In short, they were idiots.

Byakuya himself had been an idiot once, in his younger days. But he had grown up and now had very limited patience for that type of person. _Very_ limited. Especially if said person was someone Rukia cared for. To act foolishly when there was someone waiting for them to come back safely was unacceptable behavior.

As to the matter of Renji Abarai, well…Renji was an idiot. And not just any idiot, but the idiot Rukia loved (for some incomprehensible reason). That was two strikes against him right there. It was only a matter of time before the man got himself killed and left Rukia heartbroken. Like, perhaps, right now?

There was what sounded like an explosion outside and a crash as Renji fell off the roof. It was true that Renji was a god of death, but he always seemed to be tempting fate.

The redheaded idiot stumbled inside a few minutes later and gave Rukia a big thumbs-up. "I'm okay!"

It was a typical evening in the Abarai household - er, Abarai and Kuchiki household, since thinking of Rukia as an Abarai still left Byakuya with an unpleasant feeling. Renji had been outside training while Rukia and Byakuya had evening tea.

Renji's reasons for going up on the roof had something to do with practicing kido. Or so Byakuya had gathered. Sometimes it was just better not to find out the details.

"You didn't blow a hole in the roof, did you?" asked Rukia.

"Nope. My kido only exploded on me this time. I'm getting better", said Renji proudly. How had he ever graduated the Academy?

"So is that why your head is bleeding?"

"No, that's from falling off the roof", Renji replied, as though head wounds were nothing notable, "I should probably go to Division Four and have them stitch it up, eh?"

What was sad about the whole situation was that Byakuya wasn't even remotely surprised anymore when things like this happened.

At some point in time, he had come to accept all the nonsense, because it was easier than trying to apply logic and reasoning. But something bothered him - if one was exposed to idiocy for too long, did they, too, become an idiot?

Although admittedly, things were always interesting. He could understand why Rukia was attracted to that sort.

Well, kind of.

He could not completely comprehend why anyone would voluntarily invite that sort of chaotic randomness into their life. But then, Byakuya was a man who appreciated tranquility and stability, and Rukia was the sort who seemed to find trouble no matter where she went. He knew that she was not Hisana, but at the same time it was easy to forget how different they were.

"Is it wise to let him go alone?" Byakuya queried, after Renji had departed for Division Four.

"He'll be all right. He bounces back quickly."

Her lack of concern was...well, concerning. "But it's a head wound."

"Yeah."

"Those can cause brain damage."

"He's had worse." That was true. "Besides, Renji has very good luck. Tonight is a perfect example."

"How is wounding yourself lucky?"

"Because if anyone else had a kido blow up in their face and then fell off a roof, they would have died, or at least been horribly, horribly injured. Renji only got a head wound. It's always been like that with him. It's like he's unkillable."

Byakuya remembered a battle that felt like it had happened ages ago. Abarai had taken the full blow of Byakuya's bankai and then only a short time later was hauling Rukia around the Seireitei. And even before _that_, he had been gravely wounded in a battle against Kurosaki and was running around a short time later. Perhaps the man _was_ possessed of some kind of incredible luck that allowed him to escape certain death.

But, then, Rukia also had evaded death. She had avoided execution and survived having an Arrancar's trident thrust through her body. Perhaps Renji's luck could be passed to people who had extensive contact with him.

Now that he thought about it, he too had come out on the upper hand in bad situations. He had been slashed by Kurosaki (that was just luck), stabbed by Gin Ichimaru (but really, Rukia getting gutted was not an acceptable alternative), had his tendons slashed (granted, that one was self-inflicted). And yet here he was, with no indication that he'd suffered through those encounters. Could it be that Renji's luck had rubbed off on him, as well? Had he spent that much time around Renji over the years that such a thing could happen?

No. No, it was just because of Byakuya's own skills that he hadn't been killed in battle. Luck or anything else had nothing to do with it.

…

What was it about the two of them that bothered him so much?

It wasn't just that Renji was an idiot. Byakuya felt this same annoyance towards every male that Rukia had shown favor towards. So then…

Was it really just that he was jealous and possessive?

Such a thing had never even occurred to him, truthfully. Who better than him to protect Hisana's sister, after all? Or at least that was what he'd always told himself. But then he came to a terrible realization.

Rukia really didn't need him to protect her after all. Maybe she never had.

He turned his attention to the paperwork he'd been filling out and realized that he'd made an error and would have to redo the whole thing over again. The fact that he was going to have to waste time doing over something that he should have done correctly the first time was, needless to say, obnoxious.

He gave up entirely when he made the exact same error, on the exact same thing, again.

_Maybe I've been cloistered inside for too long. _When was the last time he had just relaxed?

He couldn't even remember.

Well, but he had been quite distracted of late, what with Rukia's antics. Why did she have to be so difficult? On the one hand he wanted to treat her like the adult she was, but on the other hand he wanted to coddle her like a child.

The world of shinigami was dangerous and violent, and he had made a promise on Hisana's deathbed to protect her sister. Even if Renji was competent (which he wasn't), it didn't matter. It was Byakuya's promise, and his alone to bear. Even if Rukia didn't _need_ him, he would still watch over her.

But then…why did he continue to cling to that so much? There was only so much one man was capable of, even when that man was himself. Time and again, he had learned the hard way that when the universe saw fit to take something away from him, all his power was useless to prevent it.

Perhaps that was why the idiot type Rukia was attracted to annoyed him so much. What was the point of Renji's cocky brazenness? If he was to find himself in a position that Byakuya had once been in, doomed to watch someone die, that attitude of his wouldn't deter the inevitable. Would a man like Renji, optimistic for all that he was a hotheaded loudmouth, even be able to handle such a situation? Fiery passions were worthless in the face of death.

And although Byakuya had lost people before, to death or exile, it was Hisana who had made him understand the value of simplicity and stability. Order and routine were of utmost importance. Nevertheless, when that orderliness was threatened, sometimes his rash inner idiot came out.

Like, for example, adopting a girl from Rukongai into the Kuchiki family even though it was against the rules. And deciding to live with said girl and her lover for a month. What _had_ he been thinking?

Deciding if their love was real? How pretentious he'd been. How many people had tried to dissuade him from Hisana? Really, he'd handled this whole affair badly. Renji and Rukia had been in the wrong, being as sneaky as they had, but he was the one who had driven them to it. He married Hisana in defiance of the Kuchiki elders, and Rukia had married Renji in defiance of him. It was a long time ago, but he had been Rukia once.

Had he really become such an old man? Just like the elders he used to resent. Now _that_ was a revolting thought.

Two days and the month would be up. Then it would come down to him. He entertained no delusions that the two would break up, regardless of anything he might say. There was only one possible resolution that was acceptable to him. And so Byakuya made his decision. With his mind at ease now that he was set on a firm course of action, Byakuya Kuchiki returned to his paperwork. However, he did take a few minutes to have a message dispatched to his fukutaichou.

…

Byakuya was actually rather surprised that Renji followed his instructions so well. He never did any other time.

The glaring white of the bandage on Abarai's head stood out in the twilight. "So what's this about an important assignment for me?"

"Yes, I supposed that you would be curious for details. Well, come along then, and I will tell you about it."

The two walked away from Division Six headquarters, Byakuya assured in his purpose and Renji confused and clueless. Well, more so than usual, anyway.

Was it just Byakuya's imagination, or was the dying light particularly striking tonight? Maybe it was because he didn't normally see it. He didn't usually leave headquarters until after dark and the window in his office was to his back. He'd played with the idea in the past of rearranging the room so that he'd be able to look out when he wished, but old habits were hard to change.

"So if this is an assignment how come you didn't just call me into your office and bark out orders like you normally do? Actually, I'm surprised you're even out of your office. It's like your second home."

In a way, it was. "This is not a conventional shinigami assignment."

"Oh, something special just for me, huh? I can't wait", Renji replied unenthusiastically, "I'm _not_ signing any liability waivers." After they walked on for a few minutes, Renji seemed to grow uneasy. "Well, where are these details? You haven't really said anything."

"We're not in the right place."

"Not in the - we have to go to a certain _place_ now?" But he didn't say anything more until he'd figured out their destination. "Sokyoku Hill?"

Byakuya didn't want the other man to get _too_ agitated and back out, so he decided to offer at least some explanation. "It's isolated, especially at night. No one will disturb us."

"Yeah. Wonderful. I think I'd prefer witnesses, personally."

Byakuya would have preferred to just shunpo to the top of the hill, but he was unsure that Renji would follow, so he had to do things the difficult way and ascend the stairs on foot all the way. Although he was not out of shape by any means, he had grown accustomed to using shunpo to get to hard-to-reach places, and so he had to engage in more physical exertion than he was accustomed to. Why did there have to be so many stairs? Who was the fool who designed the Seireitei, anyway?

He wanted to kido Renji, though, when they reached the top and Renji said, "Wouldn't it have been easier to just shunpo up here?"

Night had completely settled over the Seireitei now. Byakuya walked to the edge, past the destroyed Sokyoku (left untouched as a testament to everything that had happened that day), and gazed down over the Seireitei, alight even at night. There was the normal level of evening activity, with black-clad shinigami moving about in the streets. Beyond the high wall was the dark and shapeless mass that was Rukongai.

"So you wanted an isolated place, huh? You really couldn't think of any place better than an _execution ground_?"

"…it was the first place I thought of." Well, other than a cemetery.

"But it's an execution ground. You know, where people have been executed. As in _died_."

"I would not expect a shinigami to be frightened of death."

"I'm not _frightened_. I'm just saying that _you_ have no damn sense of aesthetics! So why the hell are we here, anyway?"

"To resolve the matter of Rukia." Byakuya turned to look at his fukutaichou.

At first Renji had a blank, confused expression. Then-

"What? _That's_ what this is all about? I thought it was something important!"

"You do not think Rukia is important?"

"I never said that! Don't twist things around! I-"

"Anyway", said Byakuya, overriding Renji's protests, "There is certain protocol in regards to members of the Four Great Noble Houses, and Rukia, though a member by adoption and not blood, is no exception."

"Okay", said Renji cautiously, "I already know that."

"One of the rules is that commoners are not permitted to join the Kuchiki family, through marriage or otherwise. I hope you are swift enough to see the problem."

"Commoners aren't allowed, huh? Then didn't _you_ break the rules by adopting Rukia?"

Hmm. Byakuya probably should have left off the 'or otherwise' bit. "That was a different situation."

"Why? Because _you_ were the one who broke the rules?"

Byakuya didn't owe him any answers. But then, this could serve his purposes.

"Do you really wish to know why? Are you prepared for the answer?"

Renji looked surprised, clearly caught unawares by that response. "Uh…"

"I made a promise to protect her as my own sister. I promised a very important person. And so to that end I broke the rules of my own clan."

"I didn't know that any important people knew Rukia before she became a Kuchiki."

"There is a lot that you don't know." _And never will_. "But now Rukia has broken the rules by marrying you, a commoner. As the head of the Kuchiki clan, I must bear that dishonor. And as her brother, I want to restore her to grace."

"I should have known this is where you were going with it! Look, I'm not splitting up with her-"

"Did I _say_ to do that?" said Byakuya a little more testily than he intended. Trying to get Renji to split up with his lover would work as well as it had with Byakuya himself. "You are uncouth and ignorant, so permit me to enlighten you a bit on decorum. You should have sought the blessing of the head of the clan _before_ deflowering his sister."

Renji's face turned the same color as his hair, and all he could do was splutter in protest incoherently.

Byakuya was not in the mood for it, certainly not now that they'd arrived at the main matter. "I have been considering acknowledging yours and Rukia's union."

Now Renji looked confused again. "Wha - ? But I thought you hated me being with Rukia."

"Just because I choose to _acknowledge_ it doesn't mean that I don't still find it distasteful. But I suppose as far as potential husbands go, Rukia could have done much worse."

"Potential? But we already - "

"That union took place without the permission or knowledge of the head of the clan, so I cannot consider it legitimate. However, I have decided to allow you and Rukia to rectify your mistake by partaking in an _official_ ceremony, one with all the pomp a Kuchiki's wedding deserves. You're a rather hopeless case, but it might perhaps be possible that you could be trained to be a somewhat passable gentleman. For one day, at least."

"I see. An official ceremony, huh? You know that would make me your brother-in-law", said Renji smugly, "You might get accused of nepotism."

"You're right. I'll have to give you twice as much work as usual to deter such claims."

"Huh? Well, I mean, come on, _that's_ not necessary - "

"However, this will not go over well with other members of the clan."

"You have this thing with cutting me off all the time, you know?"

Byakuya ignored him and continued on, turning to look at the view again. _Nothing_ was going to deter him now. "This should be made a mutually beneficial situation. I will tell you now what you will do to repay me. If you want me to accept you as Rukia's husband, you must agree to this."

Renji sighed. "What is it?" Byakuya murmured his response quietly and Renji came closer. "What? I didn't hear - "

When Renji came close enough Byakuya unsheathed Senbonzakura, whipped around, and slashed at Renji's head in one movement. Renji moved on instinct and barely avoided a lethal injury, but the blade still sliced his cheek.

Renji immediately moved to put some distance between them, whipping out Zabimaru. "What the hell?"

Byakuya just observed this with a deep sense of disappointment. "And you're a fukutaichou? Your reflexes leave a lot to be desired."

"Oh, well, so sorry that I wasn't expecting my taichou to pull his damn zanpaku-to on me!"

"You are a shinigami. You should always be on guard for any possible danger. This won't do."

"_What_ won't do? Dammit, if I hadn't moved you could have killed me!"

"Please. If I had a desire to kill you, then you would be dead."

"That's not the damn point! Why the hell are you swinging around your damn sword? Unless…" Renji's face lit up. "Unless what you've wanted all along is a hot-blooded battle to the death over Rukia!"

"That would be over in five minutes and wouldn't even take the rust off my blade."

"Argh, you know, _this_ is why you piss me off so much!" Renji brandished Zabimaru. He was trying to look threatening, but all Byakuya saw was a fool leaving himself wide open.

"How can you be trusted when you let your temper get the better of you and fight so recklessly?" How frustrating to have to leave Rukia with this idiot. "You should take better care of yourself. You have someone else to consider."

That seemed to cool Renji's head a bit. He lowered his zanpaku-to and listened more attentively. Good. Renji was more likely to treat this with the seriousness it deserved when he was actually calm and paying attention.

"I made a promise long ago to protect Rukia. If you want me to entrust her to you, then you must make a promise to me. If her life is in danger, protect it with yours. If she falls in battle, help her to her feet again. Be there when needs you and make sure she lives a long and happy life. Please take good care of her."

"...I promise", said Renji solemnly.

"Good. If you fail her, though, then I will make you experience Senbonzakura a thousand times over. It doesn't matter where you go. I shall find you every time. I swear it by my blade."

"All right, fair enough", Renji replied, "But you have to promise something too, taichou." He had a cocky smirk on his face now.

"And what would that be?" asked Byakuya irritably. Was the idiot even taking this seriously?

"Well, you're still her brother, you know. Don't think that her getting married gets you off the hook for any obligations. She's always had me, but she gotten fond of you too, you know? So you'd better not let her down. And just because I'm looking out for her too doesn't mean you can break your earlier promise, or that person you made it to might come after _you_."

"That would be impossible."

"Pretty arrogant as usual, huh? Well, if you don't look after Rukia and be a good brother to her, I'll make you experience Zabimaru a thousand times over. And don't think you'll be able to get out of it either. I swear it by _my_ blade."

"You are the one who is arrogant." But Byakuya was satisfied and sheathed his sword. Renji did likewise.

After a couple minutes of a silent standoff, Renji shifted awkwardly. "Er…so is that all?"

"Yes. That will be all, Abarai." His business done, Byakuya shunpo'd to the bottom of the hill and started off on his way home.

Renji was right behind him. "Wait, wait, aren't you forgetting something?"

Byakuya stopped to regard him. "And what would that be?"

"Well, Rukia's going to want to know where we've been! What should we tell her?"

"I don't know. Come up with something", Byakuya replied dismissively, continuing on his way.

"Why do _I _have to?" Renji complained, hurrying to keep pace with him.

"You're the fukutaichou. That's part of your job."

"Since when?"

"Since always. I'm a taichou. I have more important things to do than think up excuses all day."

"All right, all right. I've got something. Both of us got sent out to fight some Hollows that raided the world of the living, and one of them got me on the face while I tried to save you."

"That's terrible. She'll never believe it."

"What's wrong with it?"

"A Hollow struck you down, which is why you have a facial injury. Then I saved you."

"What? Why do _you_ get to be the hero?"

"Taichou's rights."

"Taichou's rights, my ass! You can be the hero in your own damn story! _I'm_ the one thinking of things here!"

"…"

And so the two returned home to Rukia.

* * *

So we're pretty much at the end. There's just one final chapter. And I promise it won't take me like nine months to update next time.


End file.
